Friday, 22 March 2013 - 6:43pm

Published by Matthew Davidson on Fri, 22/03/2013 - 6:43pm

To satisfy the curiosity of Mrs Rhoades, I believe that at 2am, or any other time, "farewelling a firie's firm friend" takes no more than 10 minutes plus EFTPOS transaction time at 19 Orlando Street. If afterwards you find your political flame burning, a course of antibiotics will soon put that right.

Monday, 18 March 2013 - 11:27am

Published by Matthew Davidson on Mon, 18/03/2013 - 11:27am

In addition to the financial contribution to our community, we should also consider SCU's huge qualititative impact on Coffs Harbour. It's no accident that we have the highest number of financial advisors and marketing consultants per capita of any region in the country. It's only by boldly shedding the majority of accumulated human wisdom from it's curricula that SCU is able to guarantee our next generation a bright future in everything from tourism and hospitality, to marketing, and back to tourism and hospitality again.

As SCU's motto says, "Those who fail to learn from history are better off doing business studies anyway." The pressing question of our age is not "What is the good life?", but "Would you like fries with that?", and the range of educational products offered here reflects this modern reality.

While the old guard of academia ask why anybody would want to study in an institution located in the middle of a swamp, miles from anywhere, with all the charm of a nuclear power plant, they fail to see that it's the lack of distraction by traditional, or indeed any, campus life that gives SCU's students the edge over their happier, more well-rounded and socially-adept peers. When you hire an SCU graduate, you know you're getting someone with ambition, diligence, and a current driver's license.

And not only is SCU one of Coffs' largest employers, staff and faculty loyalty is extraordinarily high. In fact, the longer someone works at SCU, the less likely it is that they'll get a job at another university ever again. It's this pervasive atmosphere of fatalism and despair that so well prepares SCU's students for whatever their pointless lives will throw at them.

As you look around Coffs Harbour, from the boarded-up main streets and endless suburban sprawl of it's built environment, to the virulent anti-intellectualism and reflexive bigotry of it's people, I'm sure you'll agree that the influence of SCU is to be found everywhere.

Saturday, 16 March 2013 - 3:27pm

Published by Matthew Davidson on Sat, 16/03/2013 - 3:27pm

I don't know if there are that many smokers who don't realise that quitting would be a good idea. How about getting these kids to educate people about what many don't know, like the ineffectiveness of the quack remedies, unnecessary dietary supplements, and allegedly miraculous weight loss products sold in practically every pharmacy alongside real medicines.

I've even had the manager of my local pharmacy forcefully try to up-sell me a bottle of herbal placebos based on the knowledge of my ailments she'd aquired from my prescriptions! Any pharmacist who permits the hawking of snake oil cures from their establishment ought to be defrocked, or whatever it is that's done to disgraced pharmacists; ceremonially stripped of their little label printer perhaps.

Monday, 11 March 2013 - 12:54am

Published by Matthew Davidson on Mon, 11/03/2013 - 12:54am

I can't wait to see the rebuttal to this proposal by the other Jetty Action Group, a.k.a. Singo's three stooges. Geoff, John, and Melanie were such a wellspring of visionary ideas that it was almost hard to believe that they were totally independant of the the "brains trust" that provided the first round of strikingly similar visionary ideas.

As the leaders of a vital, completely genuine grassroots community group, I can't imagine they've been sitting on their hands all this time. This is a troika that knows that what's good for "key stakeholders" is good for Coffs Harbour. Of course in our united, inclusive community, all of us are stakeholders and all of us are key, but what the real Jetty Action Group fails to appreciate is that some of us are more key than others.


Published by Matthew Davidson on Sun, 10/03/2013 - 10:30pm

If I had a 100% reliable way to end the pain right at this moment I would use it. No messy and unpredectable wrist-slashing, drug-taking, or gas-ingesting that might just worsen the problem.

I know for (almost) certain that I will feel better eventually. I don't know for certain that I would be happy to wait, if I had the Hemmingway Solution available to me.

For this reason alone, I feel confident in saying that if you share a house with anybody, and you choose to keep a gun in that house, you are an unforgivable dick of the highest order. In fact, come to think of it, I don't feel quite so bad about myself now, compared to you utter shits who store human-killing machinery in close proximity to your (presumed) loved ones for no other reason than to buttress your sagging sense of manliness.

Sunday, 10 March 2013 - 12:17pm

Published by Matthew Davidson on Sun, 10/03/2013 - 12:17pm

You fools! 3D printed skulls means the end of the infallibility of phrenology as a detector of thought crimes in an individual before they are acted upon, or perhaps before too long even as a reliable measure of the inferiority of the lesser races.

Fortunately there are so many rich new fields of neurobollocks that rigorous scientific measurement of Alimentiveness, Concentrativeness, Philoprogenitiveness, etc. is still possible, if more expensive. Despite occasional setbacks, scientism marches onwards to it's inevitable triumph over reality.

Friday, 8 March 2013 - 6:06pm

Published by Matthew Davidson on Fri, 08/03/2013 - 6:06pm

I don't see how a chaotic Italian parliament "would destabilize not just Italy but Europe as a whole".

The joke that any disagreement between two Italians results in the formation of three new political parties is decades, if not centuries, old. Berlusconi's mystifyingly long and absolute grip on high office was the exception, not the rule.

Stability is in any case a peculiar attribute for any democrat to consider a virtue. There's nothing more stable than a dictatorship, while it lasts.

What I think about council's skate park decision

Published by Matthew Davidson on Mon, 04/03/2013 - 11:48am

Words cannot begin to express how little I care about this issue. The very term "skate park", whenever raised as a miraculous panacea for the scourge of alienated youth, which is at least daily, stirs within me a veritable tempest of furious indifference.

Adolescence is a time for masturbation and shoplifting. Later on, alcohol and drug abuse, despair, hopelessness, and finally marriage. Young people need a skate park like they need a zeppelin. Doubtless a small percentage will think it pretty cool, at least for a while, but not enough to make it worth the investment.

Persistance can be a fine virtue, provided it's directed towards a worthwhile end. Otherwise it's just bone-headed idiocy. You know that skateboard trick you succesfully executed once and have ever since - day after day, week after week, month after month - been striving to duplicate, often on the footpath out in front of my house in the middle of the day while I'm trying to sleep? Chances are you will never do it again, and if you do I can guarantee nobody worth impressing will be impressed. Then there will be nothing to do except try to repeat it again. Day after day, week after week, month after month.

Seize the day, alienated young person! Go to the mall, steal something you don't need or even particularly want, then go home and have a wank. There will be plenty of time for pointless, repetitive activity when you get a job and/or a drug habit.

Memory Cheats: Spearhead From Space

Published by Matthew Davidson on Sun, 03/03/2013 - 4:59pm in

In the previous story (the War Games), the Time Lords (so named for the first time) have finally caught up with the Doctor, and as punishment for meddling in the affairs of lesser species he's exiled to an insignificant little planet (Sol 3 in Mutter's Spiral, or "Earth" to it's inhabitants), had his TARDIS driver's licence revoked, and been forced to "change his appearance". (No mention of "regeneration" here; the term will be introduced in five years time.) From here on in, it's all change.

The first thing you'll notice about Spearhead From Space is that it's in colour. The second is that, compared to earlier (and unfortunately also later) stories, it looks like a million bucks.

Industrial action by studio staff at the BBC meant that the studios at Television Centre and Lime Grove were effectively closed, and the only way to shoot this story was 100% on location and therefore 100% on film. Until the mid-70s video cameras were too bulky to use on location, so what little location work there was on most television drama productions was done on film before being transferred to video tape. This was no bad thing, as video cameras were very bad at picking up lighting subtleties, resulting in a flat, plastic-looking finished product. Of course, you then get a rather jarring aesthetic jump when you cut from a location scene to a studio scene, but film was also horrendously expensive compared to video, so outside of exceptional circumstances, you just had to live with that.

Having said that, it's still not quite cinema standard, even for the time. There are quite a lot of rather clumsy edits, maybe because the ad-hoc, emergency nature of the production didn't leave a lot of time for planning for all the needed footage. The acoustics in some locations are pretty dreadful (mainly echo), which I quite like because it lends a kind of cinéma vérité quality, though I can imagine it drove the BBC engineers barmy: You may complain studio recordings look and sound unrealistic, but it's controlled, standardised, professional unrealism, dammit!

Not only was Spearhead in Space Jon Pertwee's first story but it was also coming after the longest break between consecutive series in the show's history to date. So it was particularly cheeky to keep the Doctor drifting in and out of consciousness in his pajamas for the first episode and a half, but I imagine it got the frustrated viewer coming back week after week for their first proper look at the new Doctor. I suspect it's not a coincidence that David Tennant spent his first episode in a similarly prone and stripey-flannelette-clad state.

If, with the benefit of already having seen him in action, you're not waiting for Pertwee's Doctor, you will barely miss him because the cast are almost without exception quite splendid. Returning character and new regular Brigadier Alastair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart (the ever-lovable Nick Courtney) is wry, no-nonsense and smart as a whip - a far cry from the military buffoon he occasionally ended up as in the hands of writers who should have known better (looking at you, Terrance Dicks; "he can wear what face he likes" and "pretty sure that's Cromer", indeed!). I'm also in the minority that believes Caroline John as Liz Shaw can do no wrong. A more grown-up and educated female companion for the Doctor (a species not seen since Barbara left in series two) is a blessed relief, and as for her all-too-soon replacement by Jo Grant... well, we'll come to that in due course.

Pertwee is on record as bemoaning the fact that outgoing script editor / producer Derrick Sherwin (seen in a cameo as UNIT's carpark attendant) didn't let him play the part in this first story as straight as he would have liked, Pertwee being known exclusively as a comic actor up to that point. I think with one exception the comic moments are quite appropriate, and in fact have become part of a tradition of post-regeneration eccentricity that persists to this day (eg. fish fingers and custard). However no review of this story is complete without mention of that one exception.

It comes quite late in episode four, so to avoid spoilers I'll just say it's the bit involving big green tentacles. The fact that there are tentacles is not particularly crucial to the plot. Other kinds of appendages would have sufficed, dramatically speaking, so revealing the presence of tentacles is not strictly speaking a spoiler. Likewise their dimensions and hue are not the subject of conjecture or suspense elsewhere in the story. There are tentacles in the story; they are big and green; knowing these things in advance of watching the story will not diminish your enjoyment. Conversely, nor should their presence be your sole reason for deciding the watch this story. If big green tentacles are your thing, I feel obliged to warn you that you may be disappointed.

Now I can quite see how a director or producer, on arriving at the location and getting their first good look at said tentacles, might conclude "Look, there's only one thing for it. Jon, you're going to have to play this for laughs." I am not at all unsympathetic to that view; I just think it's wrong. As evidence, I present a very similar scene used as a cliffhanger in Genesis of the Daleks, where Tom Baker's Doctor is being strangled by a few small, gaily-coloured bits of wet plastic which are so deadly that Baker is having to hold them to his own throat to stop them falling to the ground with a plop. But because Baker treats the situation totally seriously (I know! Tom Baker! It was still his first year.) it works. If you edit tightly, cutting around the naff monster as much as possible, and focus on the actor's performance, some proportion of the audience - maybe most - will suspend their disbelief. I maintain the tentacles could have worked, or at least not failed so badly, if presented sparingly. Not just flopping about all over the place.

As I say, the acting throughout is exceptional, possibly because the extraordinary conditions made for more spontaneous (i.e. not rehearsed-to-death) performances. Nevertheless, consumate professional Nicholas Courtney seems able to memorise every word of a script by smell alone, and his unflappability in the face of other artists' improvisations by necessity, inspiration, or whimsy has been the subject of many an amusing anecdote. Pertwee is clearly departing from the script for all of the above reasons at one time or another, and watching Caroline Johns react while Courtney doesn't is delicious. They're such a great trio. The closest thing we get to a villian, Hugh Burden is memorably inhuman as Channing, and if only we'd had John Breslin's Captain Munro for the next five years instead of Captain Yates! It's amazing how many members of the supporting cast don't merit a Wikipedia page, as there's not a dud among them.

This was the third script Robert Holmes wrote for Doctor Who. I would say that it was his first proper Doctor Who script. He had by now got a handle on the series and would write a few more for Pertwee, all of which we'll cover here. This story alone is enough to earn him a place in television history. Manequins breaking through shop windows is almost as vital a cultural touchstone as the moon landings, for at least some proportion of the Anglophone world. In a few years Holmes would be trailing script editor Terrance Dicks on Pertwee's last series, where his presence can certainly be felt, before taking over as script editor for Tom Baker's first three series, in which capacity I would venture to say he did probably as much uncredited writing as the rest of his substantial credited contributions before or since.

If anybody can be credited as the creator of Doctor Who, I would say it was Robert Holmes. That he started to invent the programme seven years after it had begun is I think entirely appropriate for a story about a time traveller.

Hindsight About Getting Caught is Always 20/20

Published by Matthew Davidson on Sat, 02/03/2013 - 4:19pm

Interviewed by CNN in 2005, after his three years as Secretary of State Powell’s chief of staff, Wilkerson described his key role in preparing that speech as “the lowest point in my life.” Last week, in our debate, he called the U.N. presentation “the lowest point in my professional and personal life.”

As for Colin Powell, guess what? That U.N. speech was “a low point in my otherwise remarkable career,” he told AARP’s magazine in 2006. Yet the U.N. speech gave powerful propaganda support for the invasion that began the Iraq war -- a war that was also part of Powell’s “otherwise remarkable career.”

Norman Solomon

I've always thought the most remarkable thing about Powell's Iraq lies to the Security Council was the "I'm going to hell for this" expression on his face the whole way through. As we move back into "the express lane in the Möbius loop of history", this time with illegal-sanctions-battered Iran as the imminent existential threat, we should be demanding a higher standard of accountability than "I know you're lying, you know you're lying, but I can't prove you know you're lying, so carry on".

If, say, a Prime Minister makes a decision with predictably serious consequences based on false information, they should not be able to absolve themselves of all responsibility for those consequences by saying "I trusted the people who gave me this dossier of information. Yes, I paid them to give me the information, and it turned out to be pretty much exactly the kind of information I wanted to receive, but why should anybody find that suspicious? By the way, isn't 'dossier' a great word? Ooh! I should have said 'intelligence' instead of 'information'! Can you change that to read 'intelligence'? That sounds so much cooler."

I suppose this time round the highly sophisticated mobile chemical weapons factories will be highly sophisticated mobile nuclear weapons factories, and again the most ludicrous claims will be greeted with earnest concern rather than laughter, despite the fact that the grainy CIA photographs presented will be of a rickety wooden cart, with several chickens and a goat clearly visible inside.

Update: Oh! Oh! Juan Cole reminds us of the terrifying aluminium tubes!