Predictive Texts for the Conflict-Averse

Created
Mon, 14/08/2023 - 22:00
Updated
Mon, 14/08/2023 - 22:00

Just _____

Just checking in _______

Just checking in, sorry

- - -

Hey neighbor ______

Hey neighbor, could you drop the volume a smidge ______

Hey neighbor, could you drop the volume a smidge on your vintage pornography?

- - -

Babe, can I get an update ______

Babe, can I get an update when you’re back from Six Flags _____

Babe, can I get an update when you’re back from Six Flags about whether we’re still monogamous?

- - -

Sure, I’m happy to help ______

Sure, I’m happy to help re-shingle your roof ______

Sure, I’m happy to help you re-shingle your roof after my heart transplant

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Not to _____

Not to rush you on the golf course, ____

Not to rush you on the golf course, honey, but they’re about to strap my arms to the table for the C-section

- - -

Only seeing this now _______

Only seeing this now, reception is awful _______

Only seeing this now, reception is awful on this tightrope. Yes, I can change the dinner res to 8

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Sorry ______

Sorry about the fur all over ______

Sorry about the fur all over your fender, I can get a new puppy

- - -

You’re right ____

You’re right, it’s not a big deal ____

You’re right, it’s not a big deal you used me as your alibi during the exact time frame an arsonist burned down the bowling alley

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So sorry to bother you ______

So sorry to bother you, 911-Bot ______

So sorry to bother you, 911-Bot, but they have my son

- - -

I want to circle back _____

I want to circle back in case you missed my email ______

I want to circle back in case you missed my email, but now that we’ve paid the ransom, would you mind returning my son?

- - -

If not _____

If not, no worries _____

If not, no worries!!!!!!!!!!