You’ve Always Been This Way is a column written by Taylor Harris, a late-diagnosed neurodivergent woman and 1980s preschool dropout, who identifies every moment from her past that filled her with shame, and mutters, “Yep, that tracks. I see it all now.”
Sorry, Silicon bros and people who go to boardrooms. Hands off my links. This year’s guide centers chronically overwhelmed AuDHD-ers and our neurodivergent kinfolk, who came straight outta gifted programs only to be thrown into an even worse program, called capitalism.
We’re talking those of us who compare folding laundry to “herding dead cats” or are constantly trying to get our ducks in a row before the ducks share a cloacal kiss1 under the mistletoe, and create more ducks.
I know everyone—from the cool kids at The Strategist to the guy who bit an Arby’s steak nugget and immediately coded to President Trump’s chic “barely there” ankles—is telling you what to buy this season. But you need me. Especially if you find yourself enjoying small talk at cocktail parties, hoping to catch your neighbor on her porch just to “check in,” or don’t spit your coffee every time a coworker says, “I’ll tell ya what, I don’t think our country has ever been this divided.” You might not understand the social rules of autistic baddies, but you sure can gift like you do.
For Outside the Cave
Every baddie needs a uniform for low-energy, cozy days (i.e., most days).
Nike Killshot 2 sneakers
If I’m going to sport normie shoes worn by white guys in Nantucket, they’ve got to stand out. Killshots are relatively easy to find on sale, and you don’t have to buy the white/navy/gum-yellow “J.Crew” style. They do run narrow, so size up if you’ve got flippers.
UGGs
I know, I know. What’s next? Crocs? Keens with socks? Hear me out: Cold toes are the devil. Paired with thin, sensory-friendly socks that don’t slip under my heel, UGGs bring a pop of color to my winters and are a staple of my cold-weather uniform.
Madewell Whisper Crew Neck Tee (in memoriam)
We’re running this link at half-staff. My favorite soft tee with perfect sleeve and torso lengths and a swoopy-swoop cut in the back is no longer available in any size, except for XXS. “You can tell me the truth,” I nudged the customer service rep over the phone. “You’re discontinuing it, aren’t you?” I imagine she took one last drag before crushing the cigarette under the heel of whatever fancy boots you wear on a street corner in Manhattan or a break room in Michigan and said, “It’s hard to know, Ms. Harris. But I can assure you our inventory is dynamic.”
Hoody with ZIPPER and Strings
I met a fellow writer to discuss neurodivergence and the Church, and I thought we got along swimmingly until she divulged her preference for pullover hoodies. Later that night, locked in my bedroom for the friendship conclave, surrounded by plushies, I spoke her name, but no one turned on the smoke machine.
Beanie
One time, I wore my Coal-brand beanie to Trader Joe’s, and, apparently, the guy next to me wanted more than bread. He was in search of Christmas banter. “Hey, that’s what I’m getting for Christmas!” he said, pointing to my hat. “Oh, cool!” I said, imagining the plum-colored cap atop his shiny head.
Coffee Shop Accoutrement for the Emerging Artist
Don’t say, “I want to be a writer.” Say, “I am a writer.” Then buy yourself a coffee and start scrolling.
Medieval Autism Sticker
When I sit down with my latte and prepare to pretend to write, I can’t have people thinking I’m a fed or district manager type just knocking out a few emails. Before anyone asks, “Do you work for the man?” I flip open my laptop. BAM. Would someone with a diversified portfolio and dry-cleaned slacks own THREE of these bad boys?
Apple AirPods Max
I married the guy who gave these to me. Yes, we’d already been married for years, but don’t ruin this. I put these on, and no one talks to me. I hope the next version is for your whole body.
Cotopaxi Allpa Backpack—Del Dia
Are you going to the wilderness of Utah or your local café? Does it matter? The color combos are endless, and Cotopaxi made us so many pockets and zippers, like trap doors for secret snacks! Go, people who hike! Go, people who fill their packs with pastries, sour candies, and four books they’ll read at the same time.
Genius Pencil Case
Fake it till you make it, confidence edition.
For Inside the Cave
(Office/Procrastination Zone)
Hobonichi Techo Planner
If your friend or loved one is the type to spend hours researching a product they’ll never use, this gift is perfect. The minimalist design makes this a planner with thousands of possibilities for customization, and who doesn’t love a little exercise in permutations when trying to figure out their life?
In a Mood: A Sticker Book
Feelings wheels are great, but don’t you ever get tired of tilting your head? Sometimes the best way to start my day is by realizing I’m “whelmed” or “sick of your crap” or “having a panic attack.” It’s direct, and there’s a face, so it’s just like real life with neurotypicals, only it’s direct.
Post-it Notes
Duh. We have ideas. That are imminent. And timeless. And belong in squares. And now that we’re adults, we can sketch a dog with a hangover riding a bicycle, and no one even cares.
Dry-Erase Paint
If your brain operated like the Scrambler at the state fair, wouldn’t you want an entire wall for your ideas? And if your kids or partner ever used a corner to write you a note or play hangman, you could scowl and say, “Do I just show up to your school or job and write on the walls?! This isn’t just scribble scrab. This novel is going to pay for your custom orthotics, Richard!”
Oil Pastels
So smooth. No skill needed. Just use and smudge and be happy.
Kuretake Metallic Watercolors
When I was a little kid, I never questioned whether I was good at art. I’m trying to bring that little girl back.
Original Art by Avery Williamson
My friend gave me a pair of earrings made by Avery. I wore them OUT. Then I fell in love with Avery’s abstract paintings.
Old School Pencil Sharpener
It’s giving “back in my day, we carved our own pencils from dust…” but this hand-cranked mystical machine gets the pencils so pleasantly pointy.
Little Spoons
The wrong spoon can ruin a meal. Look for smaller spoons that aren’t too blocky or chonky. The biggest red flag in our house is a spoon with a super skinny neck. I can’t eat ice cream in peace if I’m worried about fracturing my spoon’s vertebra.
Miscellaneous Magic
At home or on the go, these gifts slap and cost less than forty dollars.
A Funny Instagram Reel by Malie Mason
If Estelle the fox’s jacked-up teeth aren’t enough to make you smile, maybe watching her drink hot tea from a metal straw will do the trick. And it’s free! Except for possible surveillance.
Vaseline Intensive Care Lotion
I’m Black, and I got sensory stuff. My biggest fear as a teen was being cast on Survivor and having to choose just one personal item. I would’ve tossed my antidepressants to avoid the awful feeling of dry hand and finger skin rubbing against itself.
Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows by John Koenig
Did someone say beach read? If it’s not sad or mysterious, I don’t want it. Sometimes I see people on the beach reading a book that features a person on the beach, and I wonder if these are the last days.
Smaller LEGO Set
While the big modular LEGO sets are impressive, sometimes the smaller sets, particularly if linked to a special interest, like books, are even cooler.
NeeDoh Nice Cube
If fidgets had been a thing in the ’80s, I’d be the leader of everything now. Instead, as a mom and volunteer ice-cream taster, I never feel guilty about buying a new NeeDoh fidget for our household, because someone will use it, and if a kid manages to rip it apart, then I guess she needed it.
Best Ice Cream Ever
I’m from Ohio, and we love our full-fat dairy. Graeter’s makes the smoothest ice cream with boulders of chocolate and other mix-ins. My personal favorite is Banana Chocolate Chip, and I’ll regret this, but you can now find it at The Fresh Market. (Limit one per household if you live in Virginia.)
1 That’s duck sex.