On the Eighth Day, God Was Asked to Come Back to the Office Because Red Flags Were Raised with Certain Elements of His Work

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Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 28/05/2022 - 3:35am

… And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work which He had done.
Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it, because in it He rested from all His work which God had created and made.

On the eighth day, a Monday, God was asked to come back to the office because red flags were raised with certain elements of His work from days one through six, and so He needed to present the work for evaluation and feedback from the larger cross-functional team.

On the ninth day, God sat through many Zoom meetings with the marketing and revenue organizations, and while they respected the amount of time and effort He had put into the work, they wished they had been consulted prior to execution.

On the tenth day, upper management decided that because of the issues with the work from days one through six, it would be best if God could be back in the office at least four days a week. “It’s not that we don’t trust You,” they said. “You are all-powerful and all-knowing! We do feel, though, that there is something lost when you don’t get that ‘water cooler’ talk.”

On the eleventh day, God slept through His alarm due to a night of heavy anxiety, showed up late for the morning huddle, and was therefore asked to stay after to talk with His manager. “It just feels like Your head isn’t in this right now. How can we help You find more motivation?”

On the twelfth day, feeling the eyes of His manager upon Him, God really gave it His all. He showed up early, and He stayed late. The Bachelor was on that night, but He told His Bachelor watch party friends that He really needed to show He was a team player because it was almost bonus season and attitude can be the difference between getting a Tesla or a Prius.

On the thirteenth day, God sat in traffic on the 405 because He had to be in the office at 9 a.m. and leave at 5 p.m. and thus join the rest of the poor souls He had created in the insanity of morning and evening commuter traffic. God heard many prayers for patience, but responded to none.

On the fourteenth day, God called in sick and went to a museum. As He walked through the halls lined with works of genius, He wondered if He could, in fact, be an artist or a writer or a singer. Maybe He just needed to take a step back from the career path He hadn’t even really chosen for Himself. He isn’t that old. There’s still time to pivot to something that genuinely makes Him happy.

On the fifteenth day, at the company All Hands, it was announced that God’s team would be made redundant due to the acquisition of an up-and-coming disruptive business. While initially upset, God was given three months of severance, plus health care, and after a period of reflection, honestly, He was pretty happy.