Sydney Coke Dealer Not Actually That Worried By Welfare Drug Test Plans

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 18/09/2019 - 8:09am in


In a stunning rebuke to the idea that the Coalition’s proposal of drug testing welfare recipients might reduce use of drugs, a Sydney cocaine dealer The (un)Australian just happened to run into on Saturday night was actually not that worried about the impact on his business.

“What they’re talking about that again are they?”, asked the known supplier of overpriced cheap speed and washing powder with a smattering of actual cocaine from his usual spot at a trendy inner-city nightspot whose entry fee would break the budget of a Newstart recipient.

“Yeah not sure that really affects me hey,” he offered, before ducking off to the gents again.

Determined to drill down on the issue, on his return we asked him if he was sure he had no unemployed customers, causing the dealer to think for a bit before responding: “Ah well Lachlan, he buys from me every weekend, I don’t think he really does much but I think that’s a trust fund thing hey?”

Determined to cover all the potential issues of the proposal from the man who appeared to have a serious bladder condition, on his return from the gents again we asked if he was in any way worried by Senator Jacquie Lambie’s response that politicians should be subjected to drug testing, prompting a long and loud burst of manic laughter.

“Nah mate, don’t think they’ll be doing that hey.”

However, when we pointed out Prime Minister Scott Morrison has expressed support for the idea, the coke slinger went suddenly as pale as his product: “You’re serious? That could finish me hey.”

After a long period of desolate silence, he looked up and said: “How much did you say Newstart was again?”

Carlo Sands

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