Conservative

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Bad Kingdom (1972)

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 19/06/2022 - 5:10am in

In 1972, the government drew up plans to construct a deportation facility off the coast of Ireland that could house as many as 70 million people - the entire population of the UK, if need be. The intention was to make it an exact replica of the United Kingdom and call it Bad Kingdom. Nobody, it seemed, fulfilled the increasingly stringent criteria of what it meant to be truly British. 

Experts estimated that, by 2050, the United Kingdom's only remaining residents would be members of the Cabinet, the Royal family, and bald-headed perpetually enraged men with a poor command of the English language whose idea of patriotism was to attack with deckchairs anyone who so much as spoke with a foreign accent. 

In all likelihood, without enough people to maintain a working infrastructure, these UK residents would have to sneak into Bad Kingdom in order to stock up on supplies and to have a shower, although doing so would be illegal and carry a sentence of deportation back to the United Kingdom where they risked being deported to Bad Kingdom, leaving the UK empty.

“Just Call Me The Big C,” Says Dutton In Pitch To Conservative Voters

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 27/05/2022 - 7:00am in

Aspiring Opposition leader and a man that our Lawyers say does not resemble Lord Voldemort Peter Dutton has told conservative voters that he is one of them and they should refer to him as the Big C.

”A lot of Australians have the wrong impression of me and see me as some sort of monster,” said a man who is allegedly not the Dark Lord. ”I’m just a big cuddly teddy bear, who has nothing but love in his heart.”

”Of course I am a teddy bear with claws that will slash you if you do get too close.”

When asked if he really expected the public to buy this rebranding of him, a weird looking (we think he was trying to smile) Peter Dutton said: ”Of course the public will believe in me, even if I have to strangle, err, I mean pat every puppy in the country.”

”I’m a nice guy and if you say otherwise then I guess I will see you in court.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s getting late and I have a village to scare, err, meet and greet.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Election Posters of the 1970s

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 04/12/2019 - 7:06am in

Of all the 304 general elections that were held in the UK during the 1970s, these three election posters for the Conservative party are among the few campaign materials that are still extant. This is largely due to the fact that campaign slogans were more often compulsorily tattooed onto ailing citizens who collected welfare benefits.*

All promotional literature was designed and printed by the Scarfolk Advertising Agency, who, it was later revealed to the surprise of all clients concerned, had been working not only for the Conservative, but also the Labour and Liberal Parties.

Furthermore, the agency cleverly maximised its profits by selling exactly the same poster designs to all clients. Only the party name was changed. This made it difficult for voters to decide who to vote for, but it also confused politicians who became unsure which party they belonged to.



*See also: ‘Trampvertising’.

Further reading: 'Watch Out! There's a Politician About' (1975), 'Voting isn't Working' election poster, 'Democracy Rationing', 'Put Old People Down at Birth' election pamphlet.