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Barnaby Tells ScoMo To Make Him A Sandwich After Talking Net Zero

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 19/10/2021 - 8:33am in

Australia’s deputy Prime Minister and aspiring Minister for Home Affairs Barnaby Joyce has ordered his subordinate Scott Morrison to make him a sandwich after a long 4 hours of talking about net zero.

”Negotiating is very hard work so you know a sandwich right about now would really hit the spot,” said the Member for New England. ”So, if Scott, sorry ScoMo wants his net zero then I’ll have a sandwich.”

”And while he’s out if he could pick up a few things for old mate Georgey Christensen then that would be sweet as well.”

When asked why the Nationals were hell bent on holding the Nation to ransom over climate change, the Member for New England said: ”We’re doing what’s best for the country.”

”Most regional Australians would like to see their local member get themselves a sandwich. If that sandwich were to have a side of cash, well then who’d begrudge that?”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get my sandwich order over to Scott, err ScoMo.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Nationals List Demands Of PM In Exchange For Considering Net-Zero Carbon

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 12/10/2021 - 8:08am in

Below is a leaked list of demands that Nationals Leader Barnaby Joyce is expected to put before the Prime Minister in order for the Coalition’s Junior Partner to consider committing to the government’s plan of going to net-zero carbon emissions.

The list came into The UnOz’s hands after it was found written on the back of a beer coaster.

  1. End The Bonk Ban.
  2. Diplomatic immunity for all Australian Ministers past or present who find themselves in trouble in the Philippines.
  3. End the Bonk Ban. Come on Scott, what happens between a Minister and his staffer should stay between a Minister and his staffer and their lawyers.
  4. The Senate dress code to be amended to allow Senators to cosplay as their favourite type of miner, with Matt Canavan calling dibs on being a Coal Miner.
  5. I’m probably sounding like a broken record here Scott, but come on – this bonk ban is inhumane!
  6. George Christensen to be appointed an Ambassador to the Philippines.
  7. A tax to be put on any coffee order that takes more than 5 seconds to say. Eg. A half-skinny, half-almond, flat white with a hint of cinnamon and a drop of honey, in lieu of sugar.
  8. The Bonk Ban. Canberra can be a lonely place at the best of times. If a man finds love in his office, who are you as PM to tell him that he should cool it and instead head home to be with his wife and kids?
  9. Show us the money!!! Farming subsidies, community grants, sports rorts. We’ll need a lot of pork on our fork to sell this one!
  10. If Christian Porter can have a blind trust, then why can’t a Minister have his Secretary?

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The Moderates Have to Catch Up

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 06/10/2021 - 11:00pm in

Photo credit: Nuno21 / Shutterstock.com I continue to think regime change is a useful way of understanding politics. That’s the...

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Nationals Demand Minister For Science Be Replaced With A Minister For Do Your Own Research

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 06/10/2021 - 8:52am in

The Junior partner of Australia’s governing Coalition the National party have demanded that their colleagues the Liberals replace the Minister for Science with a Minister for Do Your Own Research.

”Look, why are we putting all our eggs in the basket of science,” said National’s leader Barnaby Joyce. ”I mean anyone can go out and buy themselves a lab coat and call themselves a scientist.”

”Heck, I even own a lab coat that I use in the bedroom, if you know what I mean.”

When asked why the Nationals seemingly supported every crack pot theory under the sun instead of actual science, the Member for New England said: ”My guys are some of the most prolific Googlers in parliament.”

”If there’s a video on the internet involving young girls and ping pong then trust me, George Christensen has seen it.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, George has called an urgent meeting. Apparently he’s found a vet whose willing to flog us some cheap Ivermectin.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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NSW Liberals install new hard right Premier as Berejiklian departs

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 05/10/2021 - 4:08pm in

NSW’s new Premier is a hardline neo-liberal, anti-abortion conservative who celebrated Donald Trump’s election win in 2016.

Dominic Perrottet’s installation comes after the so-called “moderate” faction in the NSW Liberals cut a deal to give him the job.

Gladys Berejiklian announced her resignation following news that the Independent Commission against Corruption (ICAC) was investigating her over millions of dollars in grants potentially awarded to benefit her former partner Daryl Maguire.

The mainstream media and senior business figures have mourned her departure. The Sydney Morning Herald called her “a highly accomplished and brave Premier”, while corporate big-wigs laughably put their weight behind a change.org petition to reinstate her.

But we shouldn’t shed any tears. Berejiklian continued the Liberal Party’s agenda in NSW. As Treasurer she oversaw the privatisation of the power industry, before privatising bus services and toll road WestConnex while Premier. TAFE has been gutted, with the Scone campus sold off earlier this year and a $90 million target for further sales of school and TAFE campuses imposed.

After praising health workers, teachers and public servants for their frontline roles when the COVID crisis began last year, she imposed a one-year wage freeze, with workers getting just a 0.3 per cent pay rise after a decision by the Industrial Relations Commission.

She has left the ambulance service and hospitals underfunded and operating at their limit, meaning they now face massive strain due to the pandemic.

As the Delta outbreak spread across Sydney, Berejiklian sent in hundreds of police and the army to impose discriminatory lockdown restrictions across working class and migrant areas of western Sydney. Cops were let off the leash with 28,000 COVID fines imposed in July and August alone, around 13 times as many as for the whole of last year.

Criminal

Having a woman as Liberal leader has done nothing to take forward the fight against sexism. We have seen before that having female Prime Ministers, Cabinet Ministers and Premiers does not lead to real change—least of all through the Liberal Party.

When a private member’s bill was passed to decriminalise abortion, Berejkilian pandered to the right of her party, delaying the vote and saying she would support another version of “Zoe’s law”, recognising harm to a foetus as a criminal offence, as a trade off.

The news of the ICAC investigation was no shock. Berejiklian faced questioning at ICAC late last year on whether she assisted disgraced former MP Daryl Maguire in his corrupt dealings.

Maguire has admitted to using his parliamentary office to run a cash for visas scheme, as well as seeking access to Ministers on behalf of property developers where he had a personal interest. He even gave out the Premier’s personal email to business contacts.

Berejiklian has claimed to know nothing of Maguire’s corrupt dealings, but intercepted phone calls and text messages show that she is either lying or turned a blind eye.

She has tried to blame ICAC for the timing of their announcement in the middle of the pandemic. But it was Berejiklian herself who made the decision to resign before the ICAC investigation is finished.

Hard right replacement

Her replacement, Dominic Perrottet, voted against decriminalising abortion in 2019, opposes equal marriage and has attacked trans rights by mocking what he calls “pronoun police”. Perrottet is a conservative Catholic on the right of the Liberal Party.

He is a neo-liberal small government zealot, who has complained that Scott Morrison won’t consider increasing or broadening the GST. In 2015 he praised Tony Abbott for what he called his “measured response” to climate change and described climate spending programs as “gratuitous waste”. In another speech he blamed welfare spending for undermining the family by subsidising single parent households.

In a widely circulated Facebook post, he responded to Donald Trump’s election in 2016 by saying it was time for a “conservative spring” and declaring:

“If you stand for free speech, you are not a bigot. If you question man-made climate change, you are not a sceptic. If you support stronger borders, you are not a racist. If you want a plebiscite on same sex marriage, you are not a homophobe. If you love your country, you are not an extremist.”

Perrottet will be the Liberals’ fourth Premier since they took power in 2011. He now faces three by-elections following the additional resignations of Nationals leader John Barilaro and Minister Andrew Constance. The next state election is still a year and a half away.

Perrottet’s biggest asset is the weakness of NSW Labor, which is still yet to recover from the legacy of its own privatisation and corruption when last in power. Labor has recently changed its leader, with Chris Minns replacing Jody McKay in June.

After pay cuts and going above and beyond through the pandemic, nurses and teachers are both planning industrial action to fight for conditions and better staffing in hospitals and schools.

Too often the public sector unions have backed away from a serious fight against the NSW Liberals. After the two difficult years of the pandemic, forcing change in NSW is going to require strike action and getting protest back on the streets.

By James Supple

The post NSW Liberals install new hard right Premier as Berejiklian departs appeared first on Solidarity Online.

Barnaby Tells The PM To Look At His Own Emissions Before He Gets Others To Cut Theirs

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 29/09/2021 - 10:17am in

Tags 

Politics, Liberals

Acting Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has sent a pointed message to the man who’s shoes he’s walking in, Scott Morrison, to look at his own emissions first before asking others to cut theirs.

”Scott needs to look at himself before he judges others,” said the Member for New England. ”I mean we’ve all heard the stories of what he produced at Engadine Maccas.”

”I mean the nerve of the guy to tell us to cut our emissions.”

When asked why he was seemingly holding the Nation to ransom over a commitment to net-zero, the leader of the Nationals said: ”The people of Australia know that Barnaby does what is best for Barnaby and the people of Australia.”

”Heck, I’ve fathered that many kids over the years what’s best for Barnaby is usually best for most of Australia.”

”Besides, I’m pretty sure the cleaners at Maccas Engadine are with me on ScoMo cutting his emissions.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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John Elliott—vile corporate raider and racist bigot

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 26/09/2021 - 5:52pm in

John Elliott, who died 10 days short of his 80th birthday, was a corporate raider of the 1970s and 1980s and a loyal servant of the Old Guard of the Melbourne establishment and the Liberal Party.

The voluminous obituaries prattling on about his presidency of the Carlton Football Club and the self-made man, obscure his key role in protecting the property of the old, moneyed ruling class of Melbourne.

Also skated over is his racist bigotry and sexism. Elliott applauded then Prime Minister John Howard’s refusal to apologise to the Stolen Generations, describing Indigenous people as “unimportant” and “backward” and advised the government to “ignore” the High Court’s Mabo judgement and “downplay it and let it go away”.

He disparaged the Yorta Yorta native title claim, which happened to be near properties he owned, as “absurd”. More recently he attacked acknowledging Indigenous traditional owners of country as “sheer bloody nonsense”.

He also admitted to paying “hush money” to women who had accused Carlton footy players of rape during his time as club president, accusing the women of lying and being “very ordinary people”.

Breeding

Despite a comfortable middle class upbringing he wasn’t “from money”, didn’t have a “name” nor that pompous, ruling class thing called “breeding”. But his vulgarity—what they politely call “his abrasive personal style”—made him useful to the wealthy Melbourne establishment. He could scare away the circling corporate raiders from the north and west of Australia, just as an abrasive game-warden can scare off the poachers.

What he did have was an education from the elite Melbourne private school Carey Baptist Grammar, moneyed connections collected along the way and the drive of someone who craved money because of his more modest origins.

The mainstream media fawned over him in the 1980s. But he was nothing special. He was one among a whole layer of spivs, speculators and get-rich-quick snake-oil salesmen that surfaced under Labor’s Accord under Hawke and Keating. As Labor implemented neo-liberalism from 1983 and tamed the trade union leadership, it pushed working class strike action to new lows, imposed wage restraint and punished groups of workers who wanted a better pay rise. Corporate profits boomed and there was money to be made.

While Gordon Gekko could say in the film Wall Street that “Greed is good”, that greed was something only acceptable for the rich.

Elliott emerged alongside other new business figures like Larry Adler, Alan Bond, Ron Brierley, Laurie Connell, Robert Holmes a Court, Rene Rivkin, Christopher Skase and John Spalvins to name a few. (No women were allowed.)

The mainstream media showered them in praise right until many fell because of their shady business practices.

The Victorian establishment needed someone like Elliott. As Ruth Ostrow, a Financial Review journalist, wrote, the moneyed establishment: “Had to find a representative that straddled both ways of life—who understood the intricacies of the Melbourne business world and how the Old Boy network operated, and yet could understand the tactics and mentality of the whizz-kid New Boys and takeover merchants and could spar successfully with them.

“Such a man need not be a prince, rather a trusted knight who could defend the Establishment’s honour.”

It seemed that Elliott was eminently suitable, with the right chemistry of aggression, “impeccable financial grounding” and entirely indebted and beholden to the ruling class.

Elliott pored over company finances with a fine tooth comb to find weak companies in order to take them over, strip their assets and sack their workers.

Jam

In the early 1970s, a moribund Tasmanian jam maker called Henry Jones IXL was his first target. Elliot put up $5000 of his own money and got the super rich Sidney Baillieu Myer and Rod Carnegie to supply the rest of the funds needed. Carnegie would later become chair of mining company CRA (later Rio Tinto) and lay the basis for the debacle that was the war on Bougainville in the late 1980s.

Along the way Elliott lined his own pockets, with his wealth once estimated at close to $100 million. This was his “work”. Nothing people need—no goods, no services came from it, just the rearranging of who owned what on the Australian stock exchange.

Not satisfied with a mere few million, Elliott epitomised the capitalist vampire described by Karl Marx that: “Can only keep itself alive by sucking the blood out of living labour. The more blood it sucks, the more vigorously does it live.”

In the early 1980s, the corporate vampire would merge IXL with Elder Smith Goldsborough Mort, the South Australian pastoral giant, to form Elders IXL.

He was not the smooth figure that Hollywood painted of corporate raiders, like the handsome businessman Richard Gere in the film Pretty Woman.

Indeed, after Elliott took over the CUB breweries, a TV comedy show had a red faced caricature of him with rosacea, swilling a can of beer, which he did often in real life, belching and exclaiming “pig’s arse” to anything that he disagreed with. Elliott denied he actually used the phrase but the image was so powerful that it stuck. It was something you could easily imagine him saying.

Rough

In 1986, BHP came under threat from the Perth-based businessman Robert Holmes a Court, and the Melbourne ruling class decided he had to be stopped at all costs.

They enlisted the services of the “rough and tumble” John Elliott. After Elliott successfully saw off the challenge, Peter Denton, a Financial Review journalist and later his biographer wrote: “Elliott had become a guardian of the Melbourne Establishment, protecting them from outside predators while using the town to launch his attack on the rest of the world.”

But Elliott got ever more greedy and by 1990 it started to unravel. After a lifetime of “work” in 2005, at 63 years old and close to retirement age, Elliott declared himself bankrupt.

He was jettisoned by the Carlton Football Club when his shady business practices spilled over into the club as it worked to dodge the AFL salary cap.

Carlton won only two premierships in his 20-year presidency, an underwhelming record for one of the league’s oldest and most powerful clubs.

Alongside his business and football, Elliot was a 30-year member of the Liberal Party, a Federal President and Treasurer, a key money handler and “bag man” of the party. He is even reputed to have created the Victorian version of the 500 Club, so the super rich could hide their donations to the Liberal Party behind anonymity.

He fancied himself as Prime Minister one day. But he was blocked from going into politics because, as the Sydney Morning Herald reported, Liberal Party power-brokers feared he would have “blown up the country”.

He lost the millions he made through greed and over reach. He was the vampire who fell short.

Our condolences go to any worker sacked or whose life was made a misery by John Dorman Elliott.

By Tom Orsag

The post John Elliott—vile corporate raider and racist bigot appeared first on Solidarity Online.

PM’s Creepy Mate Asks Him To Bring Back Some Duty Free Ivermectin

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 21/09/2021 - 7:00am in

Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s creepy mate George Christensen has asked him to bring back some duty free Ivermectin when the PM returns from his trip to America.

”George is a good bloke. He did offer to drop me at the airport, but it turns out he had an important lockdown protest to attend,” said the PM. ”He did ask me to bring back some duty free Ivermectin though.”

”Lucky he didn’t ask me to bring back any duty free Tia Maria though, as I thought I might grab a bottle or two of that for Jen.”

When asked why he refused to pull his creepy mate George Christensen into line over his anti-lockdown and anti-science stance, the PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”No one is tougher on old mate George than myself. Why, just the other day he ate the last chicken wing and I was the first to admonish him.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, it’s a long flight to America and I need to pick up some reading material for the trip. Christian Porter recommended me this great book on blind trusts that sounds interesting.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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ScoMo Thanks His Creepy Mate For Offering The Girls A Horsey Ride

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 14/09/2021 - 8:30am in

Tags 

Politics, Liberals

Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has thanked his creepy mate the Member for Dawson for his generous offer of a horsey ride for each of the PM’s girls next time they are in Canberra.

”George is a very generous bloke, and I don’t know what it is about him lately but he’s really into horsey rides,” said the Prime Minister. ”Last week at the party meeting Georgy Boy was on all fours, neighing and begging for a salt lick.”

”Barnaby almost passed out laughing.”

When asked why he didn’t call out the Member for Dawson for his promotion of disproven treatments for Covid, the Prime Minister said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”You people are hard to please. One minute you’re all like where’s our vaccines and why are you off on holiday again.”

”Then the next you are all why is the Member for Dawson taking horse pills?”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to head on down to Pet Barn and grab old mate George a new bridle.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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PM Defends His Upcoming Boys Weekend Away With His Creepy Mate

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 08/09/2021 - 7:00am in

Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has defended his planned boys weekend away to Manila with his creepy mate, the Member for Dawson George Christensen, saying those who attack them are merely taking cheap shots.

”George and I work hard and we play hard, and I’m sure the people of Australia understand that,” said the PM. ”As politicians, we sacrifice a lot. I mean, it’s been almost 2 years since I last went to Hawaii.”

”And that trip to the UK I took to look up the old family tree – well, I did have to work a couple of days of it.”

When asked how he could justify his constant trips whilst the majority of Australia is in lockdown, the Prime Minister said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”People want to see their PM in action. They want pictures of me in planes, trains and automobiles.”

”This weekend away with George of course, will not be photographed. What happens on tour, stays on tour as they say.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, George told me to bring along some ping pong balls and plenty of dollar bills. Weird that we need American money … will have to ask Jen to pop out and grab some for me.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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