Liberals

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Scott Tells Jen To Take The Shower Curtains When Packing Up Kirribilli

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 23/05/2022 - 7:00am in

Australia’s latest ex-PM Scott Morrison has told his wife Jen to make sure she packs the shower curtains and maybe swipe a towel or two from Kirribilli this week when she packs up as the family prepares to move back to the Shire.

”There’s nothing wrong with taking a souvenir or two from a hotel,” said the former PM. ”I mean all I’m saying to Jen is to take the shower curtains, maybe a towel or 2 but don’t go nuts and strip the copper wire from the walls.”

”I did ask and that apparently is frowned upon.”

When asked what he planned to do next following his crushing defeat, the ex-PM said: ”Well I won’t be stripping the walls of Kirribilli of copper wire, that’s for sure.”

”Look, Jen and I will get back to our roots in the Shire, I’ll serve my electorate as best I can till, you know something better comes along.”

”Maybe an Ambassadorship to somewhere exotic, like Bali, Hawaii or even Vegas.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and unscrew a few lightbulbs from upstairs and chuck them in the suitcase. Come to think about it, I wonder if I could take the solar panels with me as well.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Man Who Can’t Count To 43 Doesn’t Rule Out Becoming Treasurer

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 13/05/2022 - 8:05am in

The Dark Lord Peter Dutton has been keenly following his colleague Josh Frydenberg’s struggles to retain his seat at the upcoming election, telling his fellow Death Eaters that he’d consider becoming Treasurer should the opportunity arise.

”The Dark Lord has long coveted the top job,” said a Death Eater close to He Who Can’t Be Named. ”He views Morrison as someone who is necessary in the short term but expendable in the long term.”

”As for Josh, well if he were to fall then someone needs to step in, why not the Dark lord?”

When asked why given his numerous failings with numbers over the years he now feels ready to control the Nation’s finances, the Dark Lord’s Spokes Death Eater said: ”You don’t need to have the numbers to be Treasurer you just need to dole out the cash to those who are worthy.”

”The Dark Lord has many projects he wishes to fund like building a Death Star, oh wait, I shouldn’t have said that.”

”Forget what I said about the Death Star, please don’t publish that. He’ll have me killed, or worse, put on the campaign trail with our candidate for Warringah.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Barnaby Calls For More Funding For Future Single Mothers

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 09/05/2022 - 7:00am in

Aspiring Minister for Home Affairs Barnaby Joyce has called for an increase in funding for future single Mothers, in a move that he feels may help the Coalition with their female problem.

”We need to make sure we look after those in the community, like single Mothers, who are doing it tough,” said the Member for New England. ”Who knows what the future will hold for any of us.”

”I mean if the bonk ban were to be lifted that could definitely change a lot of people’s personal circumstances.”

When asked why he was so concerned with single Mothers and the bonk ban, the Deputy Prime Minister (yep, really) said: ”No one pays more attention to single Mothers in this country than I, Barnaby Joyce.”

”I love nothing more than heading around town and pressing the flesh with all the new young Mums around town.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I see there is a new Mother’s group meeting down the road, might go and do a bit of polling.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Barnaby Tells ScoMo: End The Bonk Ban Win The Election

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 05/05/2022 - 8:38am in

Australia’s next Minister for Home Affairs Barnaby Joyce has told the PM that the reason that they are doing so badly in the polls is due to the contentious (only to Barnaby) bonk ban.

”Bloody, Scott, err, ScoMo, needs to realise that sex sells,” said the Member for New England. ”Sure it doesn’t fly in those inner city latte sipping seats, but who cares about them.”

”The people in the bush wanna know that their member is on the job, in more ways than one.”

When asked why given the rising cost of living and interest rate rise that he felt that the bonk ban was the most important issue to deal with, the Deputy PM (for now) said: ”You people in the Canberra bubble need to get out more.”

”People care about who’s bonking who. They want their MP’s happy and sexed up.”

”They know that interest rates will go up and down, they’re more concerned that MP’s like me are able to go up and down.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and pound the pavement and potentially press the flesh.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Gas export giants make billions but pay no tax

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 29/04/2022 - 3:13pm in

Offshore gas companies are fleecing Australian taxpayers, making massive profits while paying practically nothing under the government’s Petroleum Resource Rent Tax (PRRT).

The Greens have proposed changes that would raise $24 billion over the next four years by fixing the scheme, the Parliamentary Budget Office estimates. Last year’s tax data shows that there were 27 gas companies that earned $77 billion in revenue between them without paying any tax at all, The Greens’ analysis shows.

The PRRT was designed to impose higher taxes on mining companies that profit simply from digging up highly profitable resources out of the ground. But the scheme allows them to deduct everything they have spent developing the project from the tax they owe.

Some of these costs in exploration and investment occur many years before a project is in production. Until 2019, deductions accumulated in previous years were allowed to grow at the long term bond rate, currently 3 per cent, plus 15 per cent a year!

As a result gas companies now have $282 billion in deductions that they can use to avoid paying tax under the scheme. This means many will never pay anything. Instead of cancelling these accumulated deductions, the government in 2019 simply reduced their rate of growth in future years.

Chevron, which owns almost half of the Gorgon gas project, 64 per cent of the Wheatstone project and 16.7 per cent of the North-West Shelf, had $15 billion in revenue last year but paid no tax. ExxonMobil paid nothing on $15.5 billion in revenue.

Christensen rorts taxpayers to fund retirement

George Christensen has jumped ship from the Liberal National Party to One Nation, announcing he will join an unwinnable position on their Senate ticket after deciding not to stand again in the Queensland seat of Dawson.

The move will see him collect an extra parliamentary “resettlement allowance” of $105,000. The deal will help One Nation too, with any extra votes he pulls increasing their election funding.

Christensen has been a prominent promoter of COVID conspiracy theories and called for parents not to vaccinate their children. Last year he appeared on notorious far right conspiracist Alex Jones’ Infowars show.

Fossil fuel subsidies still growing

Fossil fuel subsidies cost government $11.6 billion last year, a study by the Australian Institute has revealed.

They increased 12 per cent in the last year, with the federal government pouring in another $6.7 billion in subsidies since the 2019 election. Even as floods and climate disasters sweep the country, the total amount committed over the next four years between state and federal governments is $55.3 billion, or 11 times the balance of Australia’s Emergency Response Fund.

Liberals stuff the AAT with party mates

The jobs come with massive salaries attached. Former NSW Liberal Minister Pru Goward and former Chief of Staff to Scott Morrison, Ann Duttfield, scored roles that pay $333,000 a year full-time for up to seven years. Two former Liberal MPs in the WA parliament who lost their seats in March were also gifted jobs.

The Coalition have again stacked the Administrative Appeals Tribunal (AAT) with Liberal appointees on the eve of an election.

There were six Liberals among the 19 appointments made. Antoinette Younes, former adviser to the Minister who made the appointments, Michaelia Cash, was elevated to an AAT deputy president job paying $496,000.

She at least has a law degree, but former Liberal candidate Denis Dragovic, who got the same position, has no legal qualifications whatsoever.

The AAT reviews government decisions in areas such as immigration visas, NDIS packages, social security and Freedom of Information applications.

Labor claims that 85 of those appointed to the AAT since 2013 have links to the Liberal or National parties.

Things they say

Labor’s historic task is to move more people into the middle-class, to appeal to small business and if we don’t do that Labor won’t be successful.
Anthony Albanese, who clearly doesn’t have much grasp of Labor’s history or the fact that it’s supposed to be a working class party

I would say there is no-one in the Parliament who has closer credentials and more friends in senior members of the business community than myself on either side of politics.
Albanese may be delusional, but at least he knows who’s side he’s on

The more coal and gas we produce, the harder things will be for Putin.
Queensland Nationals Senator Matt Canavan sees war as a marketing opportunity for fossil fuels

Matt Canavan is becoming like that Japanese intelligence officer, Onoda, who refused to accept that WWII was over and hid in the jungle for 30 years
Nationals MP Darren Chester, on Canavan’s boast that the Coalition’s 2050 net zero climate target was dead because of the Ukraine war

This is why the disability community quite often struggles to make constructive gains is because there is lying underneath it a significant, almost permanent rage machine
Liberal Senator Hollie Hughes on the response to Morrison’s comment that he was “blessed” not to have disabled children

She’s standing for something really important
Scott Morrison on Katherine Deves’ bigoted campaign against trans women in sport

I cannot be clearer than this: If people attempt to come to Australia by boat, they will not make it. Their boats will be turned back or they will be sent to Nauru
Kristina Keneally on how a Labor government would handle refugees

The post Gas export giants make billions but pay no tax appeared first on Solidarity Online.

Canada’s 2022 federal budget

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 19/04/2022 - 10:18pm in

Canada’s 2022 federal budget had a very strong housing focus. I’ve written a ‘top 10’ overview of the budget here: https://nickfalvo.ca/canadas-2022-federal-budget-was-a-housing-budget/

Canada’s 2022 federal budget

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 19/04/2022 - 10:18pm in

Canada’s 2022 federal budget had a very strong housing focus. I’ve written a ‘top 10’ overview of the budget here: https://nickfalvo.ca/canadas-2022-federal-budget-was-a-housing-budget/

A Tinpot Dictator?

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 17/04/2022 - 12:13am in

When Scott John Morrison takes his Sunday fly-drive to leafy Yarralumla to visit His Excellency, David Hurley, AO, a former NSW Governor and his “captain’s pick” for GG, the jig is up; now everyone knows a federal election will be held 21 May and, sadly, the guess-the date-games must end, despite Morrison’s addiction to secrecy,…

The post A Tinpot Dictator? appeared first on The AIM Network.

Press Pack Turns On Albo After He Serves Only Domestic Wine At Media Mixer

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 14/04/2022 - 7:00am in

The Canberra press pack has turned on Opposition leader Anthony Albanese after they were served only domestic wines at the Labor pre-election party mixer.

”This will definitely cost Labor the election,” said a member of the press pack, off the record of course. ”Sure, he served some delicious appetizers, but come on, no French bubbly?”

”What were they thinking.”

When asked why the press and politicians were socialising when the press should be holding the politicians to account, the member of the press pack said: ”We are holding them to account, I mean he only served domestic wine.”

”It’s bad enough that we all have to pack together in the one plane, I mean some of us have to travel in cattle class, dear God.”

”The public don’t know how hard we have it. Here’s hoping that the PM will put on a good spread for us.”

”Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and talk to Albo’s people about my gift pack. They included lavoosh crisp bread with my caviar and they no I’m gluten intolerant.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Albo Apologises To Colleagues For Saying The Saints Released ‘I’m Stranded’ in ’74 Not ’76

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 12/04/2022 - 7:00am in

Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese has apologised to his Labor colleagues after being caught out on the campaign trail saying that seminal Australian band The Saints released their hit single I’m Stranded in 1974 when it was in fact released in 1976.

”To the Australian people, I apologise for getting my dates mixed up,” said Opposition Leader Albo. ”It was a mistake, and I should’ve known better.”

”Tonight, I will go home and bone up on the history of the Australian punk scene. I pledge to come out of this a better leader and person.”

When asked if this gaffe could have the potential to cost him the election, Opposition Leader Albo said: ”Steady on champ – it’s early days yet.”

”Besides, the Australian people know my record. I have won music trivia nights all over the Inner West, from Newtown to Rozelle, to even Summer Hill.”

”How many trivia nights as Scotty-from-Marketing won? In fact, I challenge him to meet me at the Golden Barley in Marrickville any Tuesday night for 90’s music trivia!”

”We know he doesn’t hold a hose, but does he hold a pencil for trivia?”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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