Liberals

Error message

Deprecated function: The each() function is deprecated. This message will be suppressed on further calls in _menu_load_objects() (line 579 of /var/www/drupal-7.x/includes/menu.inc).

ScoMo Assures Australia That We Won’t Open Up Till Jen And The Girls Are Fully Vaccinated

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 30/08/2021 - 8:03am in

Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has moved to assure the Nation that he won’t open everything up until Jen and the Girls are fully vaccinated.

”I know a lot of Australians are concerned that at the moment the Girls aren’t vaccinated and Jen has only had the Astra Zeneca,” said the PM. ”But, rest assured I will not take any risks like opening borders or Bunnings until the girls are fully vaccinated.”

”As we speak, I have little Greggy Hunt looking at sourcing some vaccines from rural West Australia to get the Girls jabbed and ready to travel.”

When asked why he was prioritising his family’s vaccination over the rest of the community, the PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”In Australia we’re all equal, just some of us are a little bit more equal than others.”

”Besides, it’s not a race. Jen didn’t book us to travel to Hawaii till November.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to see if I can source some vaccination for the cleaning crew of Engadine Maccas. After all it’s the least I can do.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

ScoMo Thanks His Creepy Mate For The Pallet Of Ivermectin

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 27/08/2021 - 8:25am in

Tags 

Science, Liberals

Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has thanked his creepy mate the Member for Dawson George Christensen for the pallet of Ivermectin that the MP gifted Jen and the Girls.

”George is a very generous chap, when he heard of my concern that the girls were yet to be vaccinated he sent us a pallet of Ivermectin,” said the PM. ”Sure, all he asked in return was for asylum visas for the Manilla girls ping pong team, but it’s the thought that counts.”

”Weird that the boxes that they came in had pictures of sheep on them.”

When asked why in a pandemic he would not bring the Member for Dawson to task for his anti-lockdown and anti-science rhetoric, the PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”The Coalition is a broad church, a very broad church, well it needs to be just to get George through the door.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pick up a package, it’s another gift from George.”

”What do you know about gargling bleach?”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

Matt Canavan Demands That Coal Miners Be Allowed To March On ANZAC Day

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 17/08/2021 - 8:19am in

Nationals Senator and known Cos play enthusiast Matt Canavan has called on the Government (of which he is a part of) to change the rules to allow coal miners to march on ANZAC Day.

”Sure, the ANZAC’s did a bit of good but come on, Coal puts food on tables, lobster in my case,” said the Nationals Senator. ”All I’m asking is that I get to don my little fluro top and black up my face and march with pride down the street.”

”I mean they let the gays march on Mardi Gras, why shouldn’t Miners march as well?”

When asked why he was so against our Troops, the Nationals Senator said: ”I’m not against the Troops. I just look better dressed up as a Coal miner than I do as a Soldier.”

”I mean, if someone from the Army wants to provide me with a uniform and some cash to you know, help me spread the message then I’d be happy to lobby for them.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a big day of TV and Radio interviews to talk of how I’m being silenced for my views.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

ScoMo’s Creepy Mate Tells Him That Lockdowns Don’t Apply To Sovereign Citizens Like Himself

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 13/08/2021 - 7:00am in

The Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has been told by his creepy mate the member for Dawson that lockdowns like what Canberra is about to endure don’t apply to sovereign citizens.

”The Coalition is a broad church, with many, many differing views,” said the PM. ”Some, like George are sovereign citizens, whilst I’m not sure what that means, if it’s what George wants to identify as, then who am I to stop him.”

”Besides, George is technically a National so he’s Barnaby’s problem child.”

When asked why he was so lenient to the Member for Dawson’s flagrant disregard for the Government’s health advice, the Prime Minister said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”Why just the other day I joined the others in parliament in flogging my old mate George with the warmest of lettuce.”

”Also, later tonight, I will make George eat all the lettuce that comes with his 27 Big Macs that he usually eats for dinner.”

”Which reminds me I must get on the phone and order George and I our dinner. We’re bubbling together you know.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

ScoMo’s Creepy Mate Shows Him The Dick And Balls That He Drew On His Census Paper

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 11/08/2021 - 7:48am in

Tags 

Politics, Liberals

Prime Minister for Sydney Scott Morrison has been caught on camera admiring a dick and balls drawn on a census paper by his creepy mate George Christensen in the halls of parliament house.

”I’m not really an art guy but what old mate George Christensen drew is quite good, very detailed,” said the PM. ”The Coalition is a very broad church some of us fill in the census, some of us draw pictures on it and others cut the funding to it.”

”I will say, that I was lucky enough that Jen took care of the census on my behalf.”

When asked why he seemingly let his creepy mate George Christensen get away with proverbial murder, the PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”George has never killed anyone. Sure, the AFP did warn that maybe man slaughter could be on the table but that’s a confidential document.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to run a few errands. Do you know where I can pick up some table tennis balls, George said he’d run out.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

Joyce Implores The NSW Govt To Allow Ministers And Female Staffers To Be Able To Bubble

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 15/07/2021 - 8:27am in

Australia’s deputy Prime Minister (yes, really) Barnaby Joyce has made a passionate plea to the NSW Government to allow Ministers and their female staffers to be able visit each other in some form of bubble during the State’s extended lockdown.

”It’s vital that a Minister is able to have access to his Staff,” said the Member for New England. ”Sometimes we need to work them all night, burn the midnight hours as we bone up on policy.”

”How do you expect me to bone via Zoom?”

When asked why he was seemingly more interested in his own interests than that of his electorate, the Member for New England said: ”I disagree with your assertation.”

”No one in parliament is as keen on pressing the flesh with the electorate than Myself.”

”Well, George Christensen likes to press the flesh as well but mostly in the Philippines.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and get back to some boneing, I can’t keep my interns waiting.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

ScoMo Defends Barnaby’s Reputation With Women: ”He’s Impregnated 2 Of Them”

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 25/06/2021 - 8:28am in

Prime Minister ScoMo has hit the media trail to defend his deputy (for now) Barnaby Joyce’s reputation with Women, telling all who will listen that Barnaby is great with Women, as he’s fathered 4 and impregnated 2.

”I know a lot of people are questioning how Barnaby can work with women and why we are putting him on a taskforce charged with the advancement of women,” said the PM. ”To those people I say, I reject the premise of your doubting.”

”How can Barnaby be no good with women, he’s knocked up 2 of them, that we know of.”

When asked what someone would have to do to be sacked from his cabinet, the Prime Minister said: ”I uphold the strongest set of standards with my cabinet this side of the banking industry.”

”No one in my Government has been convicted of anything, sure there have been a few allegations.”

”But let he who has not been alleged against cast the first stone.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to join my colleague Andrew Laming at his photography course. Apparently tonight we’re going to learn how to photograph fish, he’s been going on all day about gropers and snappers.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

Barnaby: Nationals Agree To Net Zero Extra-Marital Affairs By 2050

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 22/06/2021 - 7:00am in

Australia’s new Deputy Prime Minister and soon-to-be appointed Minister for Home Affairs has committed his party to net zero extra-marital affairs by the year 2050.

”Our children’s future is dependent on us getting this right,” said the Deputy PM. ”By 2050, I promise you that there will be no more extra-marital affairs…as long as we introduce polygamy.”

”I mean, who needs to cheat on a wife when you can have 10 of them?”

When asked if polygamy was official National Party policy, the deputy PM said: ”I am a family man, and when it comes to family – the more the merrier!”

”It might be a bit of a hard sell to ScoMo, but I’m sure I can fond a bible verse or two to back up my argument.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go and press the flesh……I mean, how else am I going to find wife number three?”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

Pages