New England

Barnaby Offers Up A Bed To Any Ladies Evacuated Due To Bushfires – No Uggo’s

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 12/11/2019 - 8:20am in


Former deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce has let it be known to his constituents (well the female ones) that should they need it there is always a warm bed and a shoulder to cry on at his place.

“Barnaby has gone out of his way during this bush fire crisis to make it known that he is there for his people,” said a New England Resident. “Why just the other night I saw him at the local pub going around all the ladies in the bar checking in on them, buying them drinks and making sure they had his number.”

“All this whilst juggling two families, he really goes all in for his people.”

When reached for comment the Member for New England did confirm that he was always there for his constituents, saying: “In time of crisis I am always available to help the ladies.”

“Whether it be to screw in a light bulb, pop the cork off a bottle of champagne or even to just spoon…….gravy onto the roast. I am Barnaby Joyce and I am here for you….well not you but maybe your Sister.”

Mark Williamson

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Joyce Argues That A Sperm Becomes A Human The First Time It’s Dad Sees His Staffer Across The Room

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 02/08/2019 - 8:10am in


Little Aussie battler and current member of Parliament Barnaby Joyce has entered into New South Wales’ abortion debate declaring that in his eyes a sperm becomes a human the minute it’s owner sees their staffer from across the room.

“In my eyes the first time I saw Vikki from across the room and got that glint in my eye, that was the moment that my boy became a human,” said the Member for New England. “Well either that or the moment that I accidentally ripped a hole in the johnny.”

“But that’s beside the point, now are you going to give me some cash for this interview or what?”

When asked why all of a sudden he was commenting on issues left, well more right and centre, Mr Joyce said: “I got families to feed and you know a back benchers pay doesn’t buy much.”

“So you know I’ll keep sticking my head up and either ScoMo and the boys will put me back on the front bench to shut me up or I’ll get a paying gig on Sky News.”

“Hustlers gotta hustle.”

Mark Williamson

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