New England

Error message

Deprecated function: The each() function is deprecated. This message will be suppressed on further calls in _menu_load_objects() (line 579 of /var/www/drupal-7.x/includes/menu.inc).

Deputy PM’s Chief Of Staff On Leave With RSI After Answering His Bosses Father’s Day Cards

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 06/09/2021 - 8:00am in

Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce’s Chief of Staff is on leave this week with a severe case of RSI, after they spent the weekend answering the Member for New England’s Father’s day cards.

”A virile man like myself has a lot of correspondence to deal with when it comes to Father’s day,” said the Deputy PM. ”What with all the cards, gifts and paternity requests.”

”So, to my Chief of Staff I say thank you for dealing with it all this year, I would’ve but you know, I had other stuff to get on with.”

When asked how he felt the country was going at the moment, the Deputy PM said: ”You know what I’m sick of…..is bloody Government getting all in my life.”

”A man should be allowed to be a man and have a wife or two and maybe a mistress. If you’re against that, then…well I don’t know.”

”Anyway, I’ve got to go and meet Scotty and talk him out of this bloody bonk ban. Time is of the essence as there’s plenty of good sorts walking around the halls of parliament house at the moment.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

Barnaby Begs Berejiklian To Sort Out A Singles Bubble For Non-Uggos

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 27/07/2021 - 8:19am in

Australia’s deputy Prime Minister (yep, really) Barnaby Joyce has implored NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian to get her act together and sort out a singles bubble in the State.

”Look, people are losing their minds at home with the wives and kids,” said the Member for New England. ”What we need is a pool of singles, all vacc’d up of course that we can go and visit, if you know what I mean.”

”Maybe we could sort out a hotel where you rock up and put your keys in the bowl to find a friend.”

When asked why in the middle of a pandemic would a man in a relationship be looking at swinging, the deputy Prime Minister said: ”Ever been locked in a house for weeks on end with the wives and kids?”

”There’s only so many times a man can head to his shed.”

”To Gladys Berejiklian I say, come on, do it for Barnaby and all the lovely former Staffers that I intend to visit.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got farm work to do. Vicky wants me to go out and castrate a few bulls.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68