The British state has rolled out its biggest weapon at this time of crisis in a clear ideological intervention, argues David McAllister

This grave result is at loggerheads with the dictates of our present reality, observes Alex Snowdon

The Tories are lying to us. Penny Hicks responds to the government’s daily briefing

The other night I woke from a nightmare. In the nightmare I was home with Vicki and the kids, I turned to Vicki and told her that I was just going up to the pub for a nightcap. Vicki smiled and off I went.

Next I walk into the pub and see a good sort at the bar. I sidle up to her and say: “Suppose a root’s out of the question?”

When to my horror they turn around and who is it? Vicki! And she’s got the kids.

I analyse my dreams, especially when they wake me up at 2am and there’s no boner. I think the cause of this dream was something not our fault, COVID-19, is now going to cause us massive new problems.

This pandemic is cruel, we’ve seen jobs lost, businesses close and an even more horrific situation arise whereby couples are forced to isolate together under the same roof, just the two of them. These are tragic times my friends.

Before COVID-19, couples were free to come and go as they please – with each other or a staffer, or just a random stranger they met at a pub or on a dating site.

But, not now! Heck, in Victoria a man is not allowed to even leave his premises for the purposes of visiting his mistress!

I’d say “Bloody Nanny state!”, but that would be cruel to anyone out there who has a thing for nannies. No judgment – whatever floats your boat and lets you drop anchor.

Dark times my friends, but fear not. We will get through this, stronger and harder than ever before.

Barnaby Joyce

Barnaby Joyce is the member for New England

http://www.barnabyjoyce.com.au

Ashley Madison: New_England_Stud69