The Queen

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Lawsuit Settling Prince Andrew Tells Australia He’s Ready To Be Knighted

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 16/02/2022 - 8:13am in

The Queen’s favourite Son fresh off settling a sexual assault lawsuit out of court has told the people of Australia that he is ready to be knighted for his services to children.

”The Prince is most relieved to make this whole Epstein matter disappear,” said a Spokesperson for the Palace. ”For awhile there things didn’t look good.”

”But, it’s amazing what a stack of paper with your Mum’s face on it can do in these situations.”

When asked if the Prince seriously believed that he could or should be Knighted by Australia, the Palace Spokesperson said: ”Well Sir Prince Philip his dear Father was knighted , so why not Andrew?”

”Besides, I hear your PM is after as many distractions as he can get. I’m sure he could knight the Prince and somehow place the blame at this Albo fellow’s feet.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Prince is keen to celebrate and I need to get some people for him to party with. You don’t know where the nearest High school is per chance?”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

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Desperate ScoMo Considering Knighthood For Disgraced Prince Andrew

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 21/01/2022 - 8:02am in

Prime Minister Scotty from marketing has been sounding out his colleagues over potentially knighting the recently demoted Prince Andrew.

”Scott, err, ScoMo is desperate for something to distract the public from all his recent failures,” said a Government Insider. ”He thought he was onto something with the getting kids to drive forklifts brain fart that he had yesterday.”

”However, that really only distracted the Twitterati for an afternoon, so why not knight a disgraced Prince.”

When asked why the PM was constantly looking for a distraction or an announcement rather than just doing his job, the Government Insider said: ”Well being PM’s hard, it’s not the type of job that could be done by an 8 year-old.”

”Actually, now that I think about it, maybe an 8 year old would do a better job.”

Would definitely poll better than the current PM, I mean who doesn’t like an 8 year old.”

”Well, maybe someone who lost their job to an 8 year old.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68

More platinum jubilee pudding, Your Majesty? No, I thought not | David Mitchell

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Sun, 16/01/2022 - 9:00pm in

The greatest test of the Queen’s 70th year on the throne will be the moment when she is forced to consume the successor to coronation chicken

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