Sport

Musical Satire: Tweezer Sings about Arlene Foster and the DUP to the Tune ‘Jolene’

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 22/11/2018 - 6:45am in

This is a bit of Cassetteboi-type fun from the YouTube channel Joe.com. Cassetteboi cuts and edits footage of politicians and celebrities to make them appear to be saying stupid and ridiculous things. One of their greatest hits was at the 2012 London Olympics, when they made Boris Johnson look even more of a pratt than he already is.

The people of Joe.com have done the same to Tweezer, mocking her reliance on Arlene Foster and the Loyalists of Northern Ireland’s DUP. It’s a relationship which is increasingly looking very rocky since Foster’s withdrawal from their Confidence and Supply agreement over the issue of Brexit and a hard border with Eire. Yesterday, as Mike explained in his blog post, the government’s position was so precarious that they had to swallow their pride and accept all of Labour’s amendments to their wretched budget, otherwise the result could have been that it was voted out completely, followed by a ‘No Confidence’ vote on Tweezer and a general election.

So the channel has put up this video of Tweezer singing about their dubious relationship to Foster, which has the lyrics

Arlene, Arlene, Arlene,
Arleeeeene,
I’m begging of you
Please don’t break my plan.

Arlene, Arlene, Arlene,
Arleeeeene,
Please don’t break it
Just because you can.

I gave you one billion pounds
So that you would not vote me down
So please don’t turn your
Back on me, Arlene.

When you’re not denying dinosaurs,
You insist on having UK laws
Except abortion and Gay rights,
Arlene.

You only have 10 MPs
But it’s you that I need to appease
My time is up
Without your help, Arlene.

If you vote this budget down,
You end up with that Boris clown,
Be careful what you wish for,
Arlene.

Arlene, Arlene, Arlene,
Arleeeeene,
I’m begging of you
Please don’t break my plan.

Arlene, Arlene, Arlene,
Arleeeeene,
Please don’t break it
Just because you can.

Visual highlights include May pulling back the bedcovers in front of Foster to reveal masses of pound notes, Boris Johnson in clown make up, and copies of Foster’s head appearing from clouds to surround Tweezer.

Bonfire Night Fun as Effigy of Boris Goes Up in Flames

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 06/11/2018 - 9:33pm in

I hope everyone had a great Bonfire Night yesterday or at the weekend. And that if you have pets, I hope they were safe and well, and not frightened too much by the noises.

This weekend, the famous Edenbridge Bonfire Society chose Boris Johnson as the subject of their celebrity guy to be burnt on the bonfire. This is a short video posted by RT UK on YouTube yesterday, November 5th 2018 of the event with a few comments from some of the organisers.

One woman explains that they have a celebrity effigy who appears on their field every year, the celebrity effigy gets voted by the public and what happens is all the votes, all the nominations get put forward get discussed in a committee meeting and a decision is made. And this year they have Boris Johnson who perhaps made one gaffe too many and that’s why he has ended up in their effigy hall of fame.

Another woman wearing an enormous pink hat and a dress adorned with poppies, which are also painted on the side of her face, also explains that Boris is a sort of caricature person, by which she means that its really easy to caricature him, because he gives us all these ideas when you google him. As she’s explaining this, there’s a clip of Boris diving for the ball during a football match and coming a cropper. She goes to say that his messy hair is the biggest thing, isn’t it, she asks, before continuing that he’s a keen cyclist so they had to put the helmet in and his funny shorts, and they wanted to put a little bit of Brexit in with the cake and the buses.

Melbourne Cup Moved To Nauru After Influx Of Foreign Horses

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 06/11/2018 - 9:33am in

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The Victorian Racing Club has announced that the 2018 Melbourne Cup will be relocated from Flemington to Nauru after a last-minute intervention from Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton.

Mr Dutton ordered this year’s contingent of international horses – which make up the majority of this year’s contenders – to be shipped to an offshore detention centre for processing.

“We have to send a strong message to horses everywhere that we take border security seriously”, warned a defiant Dutton who also expressed concerns on the proliferation of dark coloured horses in local youth gangs.

While Nauru is not traditionally known for its racing facilities, former Prime Minister Tony Abbott said the racetrack there was “very pleasant”.

The horses will be held on the island for a minimum of five years.

_______________

By Paul Dovas

Your definitive guide to the horses most likely to be shot after today’s big race

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 06/11/2018 - 8:36am in

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The race that stops a nation has a history of stopping horses’ hearts. Follow this definitive guide to make the most of your bet and win big after these fantastic beasts are pushed to the point of exhaustion and death.

  1. Yucatan

    With zero deaths from 24 starts, Yucatan has proved that she’s definitely a stayer. Too strong to die this time.

  2. Magic Circle

    Ireland has brought out the big guns with Magic Circle for this year’s race. Time will tell whether they’ll bring out the little gun after it.

  3. Best Solution

    Best Solution is the reigning champ of the prestigious Caulfield Cup, but is yet to be put down on the biggest stage of them all. Many think that this race might be the one to finally push him to inevitable injury and death.

  4. Rostropovich

    European horse Rostropovich has performed well on the international circuit, but has been unable to go that bit further and get killed after any significant race. This brings him to Australia’s legendary race where, with any luck, this European outsider can finally find peace after a life of whipping and torture on racetracks the world over.

  5. Who Shot Thebarman

    No-one yet. But now in its fourth Melbourne Cup, the odds that we’ll find out just keep getting better.

  6. Nakeeta

    Having run the Melbourne Cup before with disappointing results, it is unlikely that Nakeeta will perform any better this year, which ups his odds of getting killed after the race significantly. Put this one down.

    By Martin Ingle 

Please, Gamble Irresponsibly: Aussies reminded of tax revenue ahead of Melbourne Cup

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 06/11/2018 - 8:15am in

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Australia’s 3,798 online gambling companies have today, ahead of the Melbourne Cup, reminded Australians to gamble irresponsibly.

In a move to ensure they maximise expenditure from once-a-year punters, the companies are enforcing a direct and stern message.

“The last thing we want is for Australians to bet responsibly this Melbourne Cup. We’d like to see hard working Aussies throw their cash around, chase their loses, and ultimately, line our pockets”, stated a Gaming Spokesperson.

To help make the irresponsible punting easier, many gambling agents have included premium features into their mobile apps for the Race the Stops A Nation.

Online gambling site “Bunch of Punts” announced a new feature called “Bank2Bet”, where users could automatically sign over rights to their bank accounts to the company.

Australia’s Treasurer Scott Morrison released the statement: “Gambling good [sic]” on the eve of the race.

GK Kidd

http://www.twitter,com/GKTweetsHard

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Mark Kermode’s Review of Michael Moore’s ‘Fahrenheit 11/9’

Michael Moore is the ‘capped crusader’, the left-wing American film-maker responsible for a string of powerful documentaries, from his first film, Michael and Me, to Fahrenheit 9/11 about the War on Terror, Bowling for Columbine about the Columbine High School massacre, Sicko, on the pitfalls of America’s private healthcare system and Capitalism: A Love Story, which is very definitely not a celebration of American private enterprise. His latest film, which was released a few weeks ago, is Fahrenheit 11/9 about the rise of Donald Trump. Mark Kermode and Simon Mayo are the film critics on BBC Radio 5. Here Kermode gives his view on Moore’s movie.

He begins by explaining that the title refers to the date on which Trump won the presidential and his opponent, Hillary Clinton, conceded defeat. It’s also a reference to his earlier film, Fahrenheit 9/11, and to Ray Bradbury’s SF classic, Fahrenheit 451, the temperature at which paper burns. Fahrenheit 9/11 became the highest grossing documentary film and won the Palme D’Or at Cannes. Kermode has his own reservations about Moore, in particular the grandstanding and stunts he plays in his movies. The film examines how the fruitcake, to use Kermode’s substitute term, we got to this point. Trump announced his intention to run for the Whitehouse because he was sick of Gwen Stefani earning more than him. Then his candidacy was taken seriously, and he got elected. In addition to talking about Trump himself, Moore also discusses his own peculiar relationship with Trump and his aides. He was given assistance with his earlier films by Bannon and Kushner, and met Trump himself on the Tonight Show. Trump said that he liked Michael and Me, but hoped Moore wouldn’t make a film about him. Moore actually went easy on him during that interview, because he’d been told to.

Moore also uses the film to criticize what he sees are the failings in the Democrats. They didn’t take Trump seriously. He talks specifically about the disgusting state of the water supply in Flint, Michigan, and how Obama, as he sees it, did nothing about it. This has led to the current crisis, where people are alienated from politics because they see everyone as part of the elite.

He does, however, see change coming from young people, who are refusing to put up with this. Kermode plays a clip from the film in which he talks to Michael Hepburn, a young Black Democratic candidate for Florida. Hepburn explains that the problem is the lack of will and backbone from the Democrats, and the fact that they’re taking money from the same sources as the Republicans. He states that the Democratic party should be recruiting extraordinary ordinary Americans, who get on the same bus as their constituents. Who have kids in the same public schools, and so know what it’s like when the teachers don’t get paid a real salary or lack resources.

A young woman explains that the definition of electoral insanity is electing the same guys over and over again and expecting things to be any different.

This is followed by a clip of a news programme explaining that for the first time, the Democrats in Michigan will have an all-female ticket. He talks to Rashida Talib, who is poised to become the first Muslim woman in Congress. She says ‘We are not ready to give up on the party, just ready to take it over and put some people in there that get it.’
‘Take it over?’ Moore asks.
‘Take it over, Michael. Take it over,’ she replies.

Kermode also says that the strongest voices are those of schoolchildren, including one piece where they talk about the revolution that is going on through social media. He finds it refreshing that someone is talking about social media in a positive way. He still finds Moore a problematic figure, and that the film doesn’t really ‘wrestle the problem to the ground’. However, it does offer a glimmer of hope through young people. This is what happens when people feel disenfranchised, and a younger generation who are fed up with not being represented. He goes on to say that there is a certain repetition of themes, because they’re close to Moore’s heart. He also says that he feels that Moore is sincere about this film. He says it’s impossible to say what impact the film will have. It’s nothing like the scale of Fahrenheit 9/11. He also believes the best film about Trump was You’ve Been Trumped, made long before the Orange Buffoon came to power and which was about him and the golf courses in Scotland. But it’s a sincere work, with less of the ‘stunty stuff’ which Kermode doesn’t like.

Teary-Eyed Dave Warner Cops Brutal “More Dots Than A Dalmatian” Sledge

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 31/10/2018 - 9:48am in

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David-Warner.jpgBanned Australian opening batsman Dave Warner has revealed that he walked off the cricket pitch last weekend after a slips fieldsman taunted him with a heartless call of “more dots than a dalmatian” after he’d played out a maiden over.

“The atmosphere out in the middle is no place for the faint hearted but that fieldsman definitely crossed the line,” said Warner with a quivering lower lip and a runny nose. “Especially since he’d got in my face after I’d played and missed in the previous over with a totally inappropriate slur of ‘More misses than Henry the Eighth’.”

“David just needs to man up a bit and get on with the game,” said rival fast bowler Hector Hunter. “However, I strenuously deny that I said ‘more blocks than a bag of Lego’ and hope that none of my team mates would ever stoop so low.”

Warner is considering lodging an official complaint with the Sydney Grade Cricket Competition, stating that he has evidence that the bloke at silly point said “more edges than a dodecahedron” after he’d sliced one between fourth slip and gully.

Team mates say that Warner cried his way through a whole box of tissues in the dressing room, blubbering something about the bloke at cover point saying “more Nicks than a Greek phonebook” after he’d refused to walk after a confident appeal for caught behind.

Peter Green
http://www.twitter.com/Greeny_Peter

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Jeffrey Archer Demands Ban on Gambling Advertising in Radio Times

Heavens, and what is the world coming to! I’ve just read something by Jeffrey Archer that actually made sense, and with which I agreed. The scribe of Weston-Super-Mud is in the ‘Viewpoint’ column of the Radio Times today, for the week 3-9 November 2018. His piece is titled ‘We have a gambling epidemic’ and has the subheading ‘Cigarette advertising is banned – so why not ads for betting?’

Archer begins by talking about how the Beeb has lost much of its sport coverage to the commercial channels, and so he has his enjoyment of the footie, rugger, golf and cricket ruined by advertising for gambling. He describes how these try to tempt you into having a flutter, even though the odds are stacked against you. You may win occasionally, but in the long term you’ll lose. He then goes to compare this with tobacco advertising, which also took many years to ban because powerful commercial interests were involved, which also heavily sponsored sport. He also claims that the NHS wouldn’t be in crisis if no-one smoked, because the money thus saved would vastly outweigh the tax revenue tobacco brings in. He then writes

Fast forward: we now have a gambling epidemic. More than 400,000 punters have become addicts, 26,000 of them aged 16 or younger. So how long will it take the Government to ban gambling advertising on television? Far too long, I suspect. A good start was made at the Labour party conference in September by deputy leader Tom Watson, who promised immediate legislation to dealwith the problem if a Labour government were elected. Watson pointed out that several experts had shown that unfettered gambling causes impoverishment for the least fortunate in our society, and this often results in abusive behavior towards young children and partners,, and all too often ends in bankruptcy, imprisonment and even suicide.

Rewind: successive governments took years to acknowledge that “Smoking damages your health”, and even longer to admit that “Smoking kills” should be printed on every cigarette packet; and it took even more time before they finally stamped out all forms of smoking advertising. Please don’t let’s take another 20 years before the Government bans gambling advertising, and wastes a generation of young people simply because of the tax revenue.

He then recommends that Tweezer’s new Health Secretary, Matt Hancock, should steal Watson’s clothes and bring in tough legislation dealing with gambling addiction before the next election, because ‘No one ever remembers whose idea it was, only the party person who passed the law.’

His piece ends ‘The slogan ‘When the fun stops stop’ is pathetic, and will reman so until it’s stopped.’ (p. 15).

Archer and Watson are absolutely right about the damage tobacco advertising has done, and which gambling and the advertising for it is continuing to do. And obviously a disagree with his recommendation that the Tories should appropriate Labour’s policy. If they did, it would only be token gesture of actually doing something for ordinary people, like Hammond’s wretched budget. A cosmetic improvement designed to get them re-elected so they can continue wrecking people’s lives in other ways, through destroying what remains of the welfare state and privatizing the health service.

But I’ve absolutely no fear whatsoever that the Tories will ban gambling advertising, for the same reason that they’ve never banned advertising for alcohol. There are heavy restrictions on the way booze is advertised, but not an outright ban. Which the European Union wished to bring in, according to Private Eye a few years ago.

The contemporary Tory party is a creature of its corporate donors. Always has been, to a certain extent. The Tories have always boasted that they represent business, and their MPs, like MPs generally in a political culture dominated by corporate cash, include the heads and managing directors of companies. Indeed, this is one of the reasons the Tories are dying at grassroots level. Ordinary party members in the constituencies are annoyed at the way they’re being ignored in favour of the donors from big business.

Going back 30 years to Major’s government, there was a demand in the early 1990s for an end to alcohol advertising. Major’s government was firmly against it. And one of the reasons was that very many Tory MPs had links to the drinks industry. Which Private Eye exposed, giving a list of those MPs and their links to particular companies.

I’m very confident that the Tory party now has very strong connections to the gambling industry, and so will very definitely not want to risk losing their cash. Just as it wouldn’t surprise me that if Labour did try to ban gambling advertising, the Thatcherite entryists in the party would turn against it. One of Tony Blair’s grotty schemes was the establishment of megacasinos in this country, modelled on America, of course. One of the ideas being kicked around was to turn Blackpool into a British Las Vegas. It’s a very good thing it failed.

Archer’s absolutely right to want gambling advertising to be banned. But the Tories are the last party that’s going to do it. If any party will, it will be Labour under the leadership of Jeremy Corbyn.

Warner Demands Tough Action Be Taken On People Who Sledge (Him)

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 29/10/2018 - 8:15am in

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david warner

Warner’s sledge was ‘a nod to the pre-1973 language test, when things were simpler’.

Australian Cricket’s current sheikh of sandpaper David Warner has called on his bosses at Cricket Australia to crack down and take action against people who sledge (him) on and off the field.

“I think most people in Australia called David who have a wife called Candice are sick and tired of being sledged on the field,” said David Warner. “We need to focus on what’s good for the game and that’s me scoring runs and telling people how crap they are at the game of cricket.”

When asked whether he was a hypocrite for calling for action on others for sledging when he himself is one of the lead sledgers in the game Warner replied: “Hypocrite. Mate stop making up words. My name’s David and I’m a cricketer hot a hypocriter.”

“Gee I thought you journalists were supposed to be smart or something.”

Mark Williamson 

www.twitter.com/MWChatShow

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The Artists Saying ‘Nope’ to the Arms Industry

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Sat, 20/10/2018 - 6:17am in

This is another great little video from Novara media, posted on YouTube on the 17th October 2018, about a group of artists, who withdrew their work from the Design Museum and exhibited elsewhere. This is the Nopetoarms collective, a group of radical artists protesting against the arms industry.

They made the decision to withdraw their works following the announcement that the museum would be hosting a reception for Leonardo, the 9th largest arms company in the world. Novara’s Ash Sarkar tweeted that it was a case of the British art establishment coopting radical artists to stay relevant, and ‘facilitating the social calendar of slaughterers to stay wealthy’. They also told her it was a private event, and she had to use other entrances and exits. One of the artists, Glen Orton, states that the movement contained work by Syrian artists, the Hong Kong movement, and other protest groups, who’d been teargassed, beaten, bombed. He was ‘gobsmacked’ that they even considered hosting the company. The Museum stated that they could not immediately commit to refusing money from the arms, oil and tobacco industries.

Another artist, Jess Worth, states that when the time came to move their works, there were forty people in the collective, which now comprised a third of the exhibition. The artists then decided to exhibit their work themselves, on their own terms. Charlie Waterhouse, another artist with the group, states that once the decision was made to remove their work, the Museum’s PR machine attacked them by claiming they were trying to shut down free speech and stop people seeing the exhibition. This made them think that putting the show back on would be a good thing. The exhibition is now being held in the basement of a leisure centre in Brixton, where it is curated and controlled by the artists themselves.

Worth explains that they wanted their exhibition to be free, unlike the Design Museum, which charged 12 pounds, the artists would write the labels themselves, so that it would present the work in the way they wanted. They wanted it grounded in community. They also wanted to make it accessible to people, who wouldn’t normally go to an art gallery.

Waterhouse also explains why the art is hung on clothes pegs from fences. It’s so that people say, ‘Oh, I can do that. Then, ‘I can do that’, and go and do it.

The video explains that oil and arms funding in the arts industry is a massive problem. Worth explains that being in a museum space conveys the impression that a company’s work is legitimate, because otherwise they wouldn’t be allowed to be there. This is immensely valuable to the companies involved.

Waterhouse goes on to say that this has got to stop. On the one hand, they’re taking money from the arms industry. On the other, they’re levering cachet from the artists’ work without paying them. It’s a scam, he concludes.

The video also explains that the collective would like to do more. Worth says that what they’d really like to see is museums and other cultural bodies having a code of fundraising ethics, determining who they will and won’t take money from, that’s really clear on their website that everyone can see.

Waterhouse says that it’s time for artists to mobilise, to realise that their ethics, morals and feelings are valid, and they don’t just have to kowtow to the money.

Orton ends the video by saying that the Design Museum doesn’t know what it’s done.

The video shows the works of art as they’re displayed in the leisure. They not only comment explicitly on the arms industry, corruption and other issues, but also on the exploitation of the poor and working class through zero hours contracts. And among the iconic figures used in the works there’s David Bowie as Ziggy Stardust.

I think it’s really great that these artists have stood up for their beliefs against the arms industry, and that they’re encouraging their public to get involved and create their own pieces as well. I wish them all the best for their exhibition.

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