Tennis

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ScoMo Tells Ash Barty No Need To Thank Him For Deporting Djokovic

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Fri, 28/01/2022 - 9:29am in

Tags 

Sport, Politics, Tennis

Australian Prime Minister Scotty who was fired from marketing has sent a note to tennis champion Ash Barty congratulating her on making the finals of the Australian Open and telling her there was no need to thank him for getting rid of Novac Djokovic.

”How good is Ash Barty?” Shouted the Prime Minister. ”She is doing this Nation proud and as leader that means that I am doing the Nation proud.”

”What a week, Australia Day and Ash Barty dominating the Australian Open, really brings a smile to your face.”

When asked how he could link his Government’s bungling of Novac Djokovic’s visa with Ash Barty’s great run of form, the PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”Ash didn’t have to contend with Novac did she?”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to talk to tricky Dicky Richard Colbeck about getting a few of the boys together in a nice corporate box for the tennis.”

”Do they have McDonalds at Rod Laver arena?”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Novak Djokovic, Extraordinary Tennis Player, Ordinary Orthodox Anti-Vaxxer

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 20/01/2022 - 9:26am in

Tags 

Archive, Sports, Tennis

The Serbian tennis champion Novak Djokovic has become a perfectly likely hero in the international...

Australia Wonders What ScoMo Will Stuff Up Next

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 17/01/2022 - 7:00am in

After a week in which the country has suffered through a severe shortage of Rapid Antigen Tests with Covid running wild and now appearing to be at war with Serbia over the fallout from Novak Djokovic’s visa issues, the majority of Australians are wondering what Prime Minister ScoMo will stuff up next.

”Well, we know he doesn’t hold a hose, but God damn doesn’t he have anyone in his inner circle who might be able to show him how?” Asked a Nurse who was taking a quick 5 minute break from their 16 hour shift.

‘Being PM’s not an easy job that’s for sure, but this bloke doesn’t turn up half the time,” said a small business owner desperately seeking staff. ”Don’t suppose you know how to wait tables or clean dishes?”

When reached for comment on how he thought the country was coping with his leadership, the PM said: ”How good is Australia?”

”We are moving forward and not looking back. In fact I’m going to pass a law to make it illegal to look back. Unless of course you are looking back at how good Captain Cook was.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to have a hit with my good mate Bernard Tomic, he’s a good chance to win the open this year, well he will be once Border Force thins out the field a bit.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

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Nation Eagerly Awaits Who The PM Will Throw Under A Bus Over The Djokovic Bungle

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 11/01/2022 - 8:20am in

Australians are eagerly waiting to see who Prime Minister Scotty who was fired from marketing will throw under a bus following his Government’s bungling of Novac Djokovic’s visa.

”The field is wide open as to who ScoMo will throw under a bus,” said a Spokesperson for Sportsbet. ”We have Karen Andrews as odds on favourite followed by Dan Andrews.”

”However, you can’t write off Bridget McKenzie, she definitely has form in this area.”

When asked whether many Australians were gambling on who the PM will throw under a bus, the Spokesperson for Sportsbet said: ”At the moment with Covid running rampant there’s not much else for people to do but sit around and gamble.”

”And we run bets on pretty much anything you can poke a stick at, including who you can poke a stick at.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I saw two seagulls fighting over a chip I need to get over there and start taking some bets.”

”Oh, please gamble responsibly.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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ScoMo Calls In The Big Gun Dennis Denuto To Take On Djokovic

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 10/01/2022 - 7:00am in

Tags 

Sport, satire, Tennis

Australian Prime Minister Scotty who was fired from marketing has told his team to get on the blower to Dennis Denuto and get him on board to help them take down Novak Djokovic in the Federal Court this week.

”We’ve all seen Dennis take on the Government in the High court so who better to have on your team as we head to the Federal Court,” said the PM. ”I can’t wait to see the look on Novak’s face when Dennis walks in.”

”Suffer in your jocks, Djoker!”

When asked why he would recommend the Government hire an actor from a movie to represent it in court the PM said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”Dennis Denuto has been to the High Court I saw it myself on the TV, Jen was there ask her.”

”Well, actually Jen’s busy at the moment she’s out on a RAT run, she left last week so fingers crossed she’ll be back before the election.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

We’re also on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/theunoz

The (un)Australian Live At The Newsagency Recorded live, to purchase click here:

https://bit.ly/2y8DH68