Tony Abbott

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Christensen Tells Berejiklian To Join Him In Manilla For Some Ping Pong And Chill

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 15/10/2020 - 8:15am in

The Government’s Minister for Manilla George Christensen has reached out to NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian and invited her to join him for some much needed R&R in the Philippines with some ping pong and chill.

‘’I know what it’s like to be under the pump over your personal life,’’ said the Minister for Manila. ‘’So Gladys, pack the bags and join me in Manila.’’

“Nothing relaxes me more than watching my favourite ping pong team. Especially when there’s a happy ending.’’

When asked how he would be able to travel to the Philippines given the Government’s current travel ban, the Minister for Manila said: ‘’If Abbott can get to London and Pell to Rome, then surely old Georgey boy can head home to Manila.’’

”Besides, I’m pretty sure that ScoMo would rather have me in Manila than in Canberra on Facebook.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go to Rebel sport and stock up on some ping pong balls.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Cardinal Pell Disappointed To Not Be Riding A Virgin Back To The Vatican

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 30/09/2020 - 7:00am in

Australian Cardinal George Pell has expressed disappointment to close colleagues that he will not flying a Virgin plane on his return trip to the Vatican.

”The Cardinal is a big fan of Virgin,” said a confidant of Cardinal Pell. ”He often said that you can’t beat the feeling of slipping in to a Virgin.”

”So, he was most disappointed to learn that Virgin airways were no longer flying.”

When asked why it was so important that the elderly Cardinal travel to Rome in the midst of a pandemic, his confidant said: ”The Cardinal has pressing duties at the Vatican, you know.”

”He has to ‘clean out’ his apartment, if you know what I mean. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and find out where the best place in Rome is to hire a paper shredder.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Cardinal Pell Hopes To Touch Many More Lives On His Return To Rome

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 29/09/2020 - 8:05am in

Cardinal Pell has told friends that he hopes to touch many more lives when he arrives in Rome later this week. The Cardinal has been given an exemption by the Government to return to the Vatican to ‘clean out’ his flat.

”Cardinal Pell loves to meet new people and is always keen to press the flesh so to speak,” said a Spokesperson for the Cardinal. ”As well he does have to clean up his old flat, make a few things disappear if you know what I mean.”

”The Cardinal has also not ruled out doing a bit of sight seeing whilst in Rome, he does love the Colisseum. Reminds him of his recent battles with the law, what with Christians being thrown to the lions.”

When asked why the Cardinal was given an exemption to travel in the middle of a pandemic, the Spokesperson said: ”The Cardinal had some excellent references, a lot of former Prime Ministers were lining up to write one for him.”

”Besides where would you rather have the Cardinal, in the Vatican or in Australia. I think we’d prefer that he reached out and touched others whilst overseas.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to pop out and buy the Cardinal a book to read on the plane, he loves young adults you know…..the genre of fiction that is.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Private Eye: Tony Abbott Part of Free Trade Group Wanting to Sell NHS to Americans

This fortnight’s Private Eye for 11th -24th September has a very ominous story about new Brexit adviser’s Tony Abbott’s attitude to this country’s single greatest institution, the NHS. He’s part of a free trade group run by the extreme right-wing Tory MP, Daniel ‘Lyin’ King’ Hannan, which wants to privatise the NHS. The article ‘Rough Traders’ runs

Britain’s controversial new trade adviser Tony Abbott, ex-Australian PM, is also on the advisory board of a right-wing British “free trade” group that wants to open the NHS to US competition in a future trade deal.

Abbott, appointed to the government’s new Board of Trade last week, joined the Initiative for Free Trade, a think tank set up by keen Brexiteer and former Tory MEP Daniel Hannan, in 2017. International trade scretary Liz Truss has co-opted Hannan on to her new Board of Trade alongside Abbott, making clear the official sympathy for Hannan’s think tank (whose launch in 2017 was graced by a certain Boris Johnson, then foreign secretary).

So what kind of Brexit does these two gung-ho free marketeers now advising the government actually want? In September 2018, their Initiative for Free Trade jointly published an “Ideal US-Uk Free Trade Agreement” with the Cato Institute, a right-wing US think tank. Its proposed deal “should open all government procurement markets to goods and services providers” from either country; and it said explicitly: “Health services are an area where both sides would benefit from openness to foreign competition” – meaning the NHS, its hospitals and drug purchasing should be fully open to US firms. It accepted the NHS was a political hot potato – “We recognise any changes to existing regulations will be extremely controversial” – and so suggested a stealthy approach whereby “the initial focus should be on other fields such as education or legal services” before health, so “negotiators can test the waters and see what is possible”.

The paper from Abbott and Hannan’s think tank also said the UK should get ready to eat US chlorinated chicken and hormone enhanced beef; and any deal should avoid “restrictions based on scientifically unsubstantiated public health and safety concerns”. And provisions on workers’ rights and environmental protections? Yes: any deal should avoid these too.

Much of the objections to Abbott’s appointment have concentrated on his own personal failings – his racism, sexism and homophobia. He comes across as personally obnoxious, the living embodiment of Barry Humphries’ character, Sir Les Patterson, the Australian cultural attache. More serious is his sheer incompetence. He was in office for two years before his own party gave him the heave-ho, and then lost his safe seat to an independent.

But this is what really scares me. He and his buddy Hannan really do want to sell off the NHS. Hannan’s been promoting this for a very long time, so it’s no surprise from this direction. They’re going to do it by stealth, which also comes as no surprise, as that’s what they’ve been doing for the past forty years or so. And the Americans have been very heavily involved in all this. Johnson and the Tories have already included the NHS in their talks with the Americans, and one their best to kept it secret. They’re trying to pass further legislation to keep the negotiations as a whole under wraps, so we can’t see that this is what they’re doing.

And to cap it all, they’re determined to feed us chlorinated chicken, hormone injected beef, and wreck the environment and further degrade workers’ rights. Because this is what free trade American capitalism is all about – feeding people dodgy food, wrecking the planet and making sure there are no penalties for workers’ sick or injured at work.

Get Abbott out of the Brexit negotiations. Get private industry out of my NHS. And get the Tories out of office!

George Christensen Tipped To Be Named Trade Ambassador For The Philippines

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 09/09/2020 - 8:15am in

Australian Politician George Christensen is rumoured to be named the new trade ambassador for the Philippines, following in the footsteps of former Prime Minister Tony Abbott who has taken on a role as a trade ambassador for the United Kingdom.

”I really can’t wait to get down and dirty in Manilla and help the Philippino people to reach out and bring their country to a climax,” said the Member for Manilla. ”It is amazing what the people of the Philippines can do, their skills in ping pong alone are astounding.”

”I was showing my colleague Barnaby Joyce a couple of videos and already he has his bags packed and is ready to travel.”

When asked whether working for another country whilst being a member of the Australian parliament was somewhat counter productive, the member for Manilla said: ”Nonsense, I spend most of my time already, either in the Philippine’s or online watching videos from the Philippines so it makes sense that I get some coin to do so.”

”Besides, Tony Abbott is getting paid by the tax payer and working for the UK, so if it’s good enough for Tones, why not I?”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to Rebel sport to stock up on some ping pong balls.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Scotty From Marketing Tipped To Name Abbott Special Envoy To Aged Care

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 03/09/2020 - 8:04am in

Mungo_Morrison_Abbott_Dutton

Australia’s Prime Minister Scotty from marketing is tipped this week to name former Prime Minister Tony Abbott as a ‘Special Envoy’ to the aged care industry, with a mandate to eliminate all problems.

”I won’t confirm or deny that I have been in talks with Tony about playing a role in our aged care industry,” said Prime Minister Scotty. ”However, if he were to take on the speculated role, I feel he would do as well in this role as he has in other roles.”

”Sure, we could get someone like Christopher ”the fixer” Pyne to handle the job, but why fix a problem when you can eliminate it.”

When asked on whether he shared Mr Abbott’s view that we should sacrifice the elderly for the economy, Prime Minister Scotty said: ”I reject the premise of your question.”

”There are many ways to make an omelette, but the one thing in common is that to do so you have to break a few eggs.”

”And I don’t know about you, but if there’s anyone I want in charge of breaking my eggs it’s Tony Abbott.”

”Now, if you’ll excuse me, all this talk of eggs and omelettes has got me hungry, might pop down to Engadine Maccas.”

Mark Williamson

@MWChatShow

You can follow The (un)Australian on twitter @TheUnOz or like us on Facebook https://www.facebook.com/theunoz.

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Tony Abbott still makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Thu, 03/09/2020 - 6:00am in

1 Sir Robert Menzies and Tony Abbott remain the only two Prime Ministers who one could argue were more British than the British. Menzies adoration of The Queen was so over the top as to be an embarrassment. Abbott’s love for the Monarchy showed up when he championed its side during the 2019 referendum. Now…

The post Tony Abbott still makes me feel sick in the pit of my stomach appeared first on The AIM Network.

Let our old folk die? Abbott sets the tone for a cruel and heartless government’s next act.

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 02/09/2020 - 1:53pm in

“We haven’t got everything perfectly right … we continue to learn from the experiences of previous events”. Richard Colbeck appears as this week’s poster-boy for the Morrison government of cruelty and neglect. Yet in a blink of an eye, he is eclipsed by Tony Abbott, a fellow colossus of incompetence who thoughtfully syndicates his timely…

The post Let our old folk die? Abbott sets the tone for a cruel and heartless government’s next act. appeared first on The AIM Network.

Blunder from Down Under

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Wed, 02/09/2020 - 1:17pm in

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Tony Abbott

According to Richard Denniss, the chief economist and former executive director of The Australia Institute, government spending is the key prop of the Australian economy. Denniss’ stark observation comes on the day (02/09/2020) Australia slips to its lowest ebb since the Great Depression, and the day after the Federal Government throttled the Job Seeker and…

The post Blunder from Down Under appeared first on The AIM Network.

Josh Frydenberg Seems Confused But He’s Not The Only One!

Published by Anonymous (not verified) on Tue, 01/09/2020 - 3:03pm in

When I saw a brief headline saying that Josh Frydenberg was calling for a roadmap from Dan Andrews, I thought, Josh obviously has trouble using that tricky GPS because anything that came after the 1980s is a problem for him. Then I read the article and I realised that he was actually wanting to know…

The post Josh Frydenberg Seems Confused But He’s Not The Only One! appeared first on The AIM Network.

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