Congratulations on your new offspring. I’ve been preparing for this ever since you started waking up to pee every hour. Are you getting tons of sleep advice but no actual sleep? I’m here to help. Trust me, no one is more invested in getting you the rest you need than me, your sleep paralysis demon.
I know you’re not the biggest fan of lying immobilized while I sit on your chest and hiss incantations into your ear or hold a scythe over your sleeping spouse, but things are tough right now, and I need your help. Work exploded during the pandemic. Clinical anxiety and alcohol use were off the charts, and I was working my entire repertoire from multiple demonologies. But before long, every lesser demon with a stage cough was trying to get in the game. Now, the labor market is still saturated, but our client base is dwindling as humans go to therapy and take CBD gummies by the handful. I’m down to you and Mr. Aquino across the street, and the only thing that scares him is his mother-in-law.
