This is an excerpt from McSweeney’s contributor Hayley DeRoche’s new book, Dress Your Baby in Sage and Taupe: A Handbook for the Sad Beige Parent, available now!
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When planning a sad, beige child’s first birthday party, it’s important not to lose sight of what’s most important: love laughter aesthetics. Make sure your little one’s birthday is filled to the brim with ennui Instagram-worthy fun with this handy checklist. And remember, don’t fret if you don’t check off every item; your utter failure as a parent and person will be forgiven by your child in time.
Maybe.
You know, with many long years of therapy.
So get to work! The stakes have never been lower higher.
Invitations: This is your guest’s first taste of the party that awaits; make sure you let them know your finger is on the pulse of trends like nobody else with these tried-and-true themes.
Acceptable themes (PICK ONE):