Hold up! I know what ur thinking. A law firm sliding into my DMs? Basic AF.
Well, we might be a law firm, but we are bussin. No cap! Fr fr.
So, I know a lot of y’all out there fw MrBeast. Str8 up a lot of folx do. Or did. Maybe u even did some gig work for bruh. Maybe u even unwittingly worked as a henchman for MrBeast, specifically between the dates 5/2023 and 11/2024.
No shame in that game—dead ass, gotta hustle—but also maybe u did some super sketchy or even illegal shizz and didn’t even realize it at the time? Look, every1 knows it used to slay to wear a mask and a fire leather uniform with a MrBeast logo on it and carry like a kind of laser rifle to order innocent people through an increasingly elaborate and sadistic series of challenges while MrBeast stood by laughing and also wearing a cape and jodhpurs, we’re pretty sure.
But u kno what? Let me be str8 up w u: That shizz is cheugy. It is cray to do any sort of henching for MrBeast. Especially when innocent people have gotten hurrrt by him in hella horrifying ways. Big yikes!
Here’s the deal—MrBeast is str8 up sus. Aura is not on point. We dug into his lore and oof. Main character syndrome much? His misdeeds have been caught in 4K.
Fax.
Was he at one point goated with the sauce? Bet. But it turns out my guy is a master manipulator. Major sociopath energy. Crazy delulu. Where did he even get a dirty bomb from? The dark web or something? My guy is in his villain era, and it’s time he took several seats. Periodt.
But we’re not trying to cancel u. We know u were just a smol bean in his high-key evil plans. Legally, that is a valid excuse.
So if this sounds like something u maybe did, me and the squad at Findley and Wasserman want to chat w u. U may even be entitled to financial compensation. It’s lit. And class action.
We’re here to help with active listening. Feel free to trauma dump, besties.
Did u live with 20,000 or so other baddies in a hollowed-out volcano base on a skull-shaped island in the middle of the ocean? And between May of 2023 and November of 2024 did u do some sus things in ur capacity as a 1099 independent contractor while in the employ of MrBeast Inc. LLC, but now ur catching strays on socials thru no fault of ur own (master manipulator, fr), and even if he glazed u up at the time, looking at u with his cold rodent-like eyes and saying stuff like u are doing all these gucci deeds for me and when the UN finally is under my total control u are going to get a sick raise, but maybe now, after all the things that happened specifically between 5/2023 and 11/2024, and u didn’t even end up getting the raise so ur understandably feeling a little salty about it, why not come meet with us and spill the tea (legally speaking we have to inform u it’s a deposition)?
We can’t say much, but if any of the following sounds familiar, we should talk:
- Did u travel to international waters and yeet sum1 out of a giant catapult?
- Or make a family of five from Long Island grovel in a hole-in-the-ground ass pit?
- Maybe u shackled approximately sixteen people together on this sus desert island without even any real food, except for a case of Feastables-brand chocolate bars, and seventeen of those people were mysteriously absent when u showed up for work the next day.
- Have u come into contact with a person wearing a monocle and known only as Professor Octavius Ravenblood?
- Perhaps u personally witnessed MrBeast unalive one or more of those missing teenagers from North Dakota.
- Did u, along with up to fifteen other “Beast Mode Commandos,” illegally enter Somalia for some reason?
IYKYK.
Even if it slapped at the time, maybe ur shook about it now? Maybe u even feared for ur life if u did not go along with things? Giving human rights violations, sis! Cringe! And was there even an HR department where u could go w ur super legit concerns? Doubt it!
If any of this sounds like something u maybe did at the request of MrBeast or his proxies, let’s talk and secure this bag. It’s time for ex-henchman summer lol.
Let’s take this W together, fam!
Dankly urs,
Whitney Carmichael
First-year associate at Findley and Wasserman, LLC.