This dissertation [will not have been? is never going to be?] would not have been possible without the unending guidance and oversight of my [wise? erudite? stern? loving?] brilliant advisor. Your [gnomic wisdom? elliptical questions?] comments have been a source of [confusion? betrayal?] help for many years, and I can’t [wait for?] imagine what life after the defense will be like. I [forgive you? absolve you?] don’t blame you for the three {confirm?} additional years I spent developing conference papers on topics unrelated to my research in order to “build my CV” and “professionalize” {sounds grumpy—remove?}. I do [thank you for? forgive you for? acknowledge your role in?] blame you for getting me tied up with that unpaid research assistantship inexplicably working with ancient papyri that ended [in flames? in tears?] so regretfully, further delaying my defense by eighteen months.