To remind everyone how grateful we should be for all the readily available, appealing food that is easy to prepare and that everyone enjoys eating, take one day every year to spend fourteen hours laboring over food so terrible it can only be stomached once annually.
Think of everything you like about chicken: its moistness, its versatility, its ability to absorb the flavors of whatever is cooked adjacent to it. Now try to imagine a food that’s similar to chicken, except without any of those good qualities. Imagine flake-dry poultry served as slices of sawdust whose flavor can best be described as literally nothing or, at best, vaguely bird-ish. This nightmare cousin of chicken is called turkey, and turkey will be the shriveled centerpiece of your Thanksgiving meal.
If you’ve accumulated enough grocery points, your local grocery store might give you the turkey for free, because they simply cannot believe anyone will pay actual money for a turkey. They may also offer to swap it out for a free ham but don’t fall for it because ham actually tastes good.