And Now for the Weather Today is set to be agreeably alliterative across an assortment of areas although the occasional metaphor may cause some faces to cloud. Idioms will be coming down like stair rods in northern regions, while the south may experience the odd outbreak of similes, like an unexpected shower of arrows. In coastal, littoral, and…
Selected poems
The Day We Argued About Roman Numerals Even now in my mind,that row remains VIVID –I tried to stay CIVILbut you ended up LIVID.
Common Peephole She came from Greece,she had a faulty socket.Her eye fell out,she couldn’t stop it. That’s when Icaught her eye.
Morrissey’s Fridge Morrissey was filledwith suddenself-doubt as he shut his fridge door –did the light never go out?
Message to the 14-Year-Old Me Believe in yourself.You can do anything you set your heart on –except A level physics, perhaps.Well, all the sciences really. DIY is a bit of a no-no, too.See also: driving; skiing; map reading;cooking pasta in the right quantities;relationships; origami. Don’t even think about runningyour own business. Or singing in tune.Best…
An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem in Praise of the Dictionary An unfaltering ability to Bring clarity to the English language Constitutes your Defining quality. Ever since the day we First met and I Giggled at the rude words Hidden amongst your pages, I adored you, Jubilant in the Knowledge that things were Looking up. You offered me the Meaning of life, Not to mention the meaning of…
Out of Character having noticed one dayhis keyboard was dirty,he reached for the soap sprayand gave it a SQWERTY,before scrubbing away‘til each letter was cleanin ignorant bliss ofhaving wrec ed his machine – for the eys which once wor edno grad ally did notand the more that he ty edthe orse it all gotso that…
Monetisation The advert said MONETISE YOUR FOLLOWERS so he thought he would respond by painting them in the changing light, like waterlilies in a pond.
The Power of Poetry with things falling apartand anarchy let loose, it was only poetry, he found,which had any use, so he reached for his copy of The Complete Works of Yeats and bludgeoned the Presidentof the United States
Mnemonic Thirty days hath September,April, June and November.Unless a leap year is its fate,February hath twenty-eight.All the rest hath three days more,excepting January,which hath six thousand,one hundred and eighty-four.