I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!
I STILL KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!
I REMAIN FULLY AWARE OF WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!
IT’S BEEN FOUR YEARS SINCE “LAST SUMMER” WAS ACTUALLY LAST SUMMER, BUT WE BOTH KNOW WHICH SUMMER I’M REFERRING TO, SO THERE’S NO NEED TO SPECIFY. I CONTINUE KNOWING WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!
JUST IN CASE IT’S UNCLEAR WHETHER “LAST SUMMER” IS REFERRING TO LITERALLY LAST SUMMER (WHEN YOU TOOK A SURFING CLASS) OR THE SUMMER WHEN YOU RAN ME OVER WITH YOUR CAR AND THREW MY BODY IN THE OCEAN FOR DEAD, IT’S THE LATTER. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID NOW FIVE SUMMERS AGO!
I’M DEFINITELY GOING TO KILL YOU WITH MY HOOK-HAND THIS YEAR, BUT IF I DON’T, WE SHOULD TRY DEVELOPING A SHORTHAND. IKWYDLSx6!
BIG DEAL THAT IT’S SEVEN YEARS LATER AND YOU’RE STILL ALIVE. IT ISN’T LIKE THIS IS THE ONLY THING I HAVE GOING ON IN MY LIFE. SÉ LO QUE HICISTE HACE SIETE VERANOS (I STARTED LEARNING SPANISH)!
MY HOOK-HAND ONLY GROWS SHARPER WITH TIME AND REGULAR MAINTENANCE TO AVOID RUST AND CORROSION. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID EIGHT YEARS AGO DURING THE HOTTEST PART OF THE YEAR!
THE DIFFICULT SEMANTICS OF KEEPING UP THESE THREATS IS IN NO WAY DISTRACTING ME FROM THE ULTIMATE GOAL OF KILLING YOU. I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST LAST LAST LAST LAST LAST LAST LAST LAST SUMMER!
HAPPY TEN-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF ME KNOWING WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!!! WE DID IT!
IF YOU THOUGHT MAKING A GENEROUS DONATION LAST SUMMER (ACTUALLY LAST SUMMER) TO “VICTIMS OF CAR ACCIDENTS WHO SUBSEQUENTLY WERE THROWN IN THE OCEAN” WOULD MAKE ME FORGET ABOUT ELEVEN SUMMERS PRIOR, YOU WERE WRONG! I DO GET TO CLAIM MOST OF THE PROCEEDS FROM THAT, THOUGH, SO THANK YOU.
ARE THESE NOTES GIVING ME KILL-ANXIETY? AM I IN MY HEAD ABOUT WHETHER I’LL HAVE TO DO THE WALK OF SHAME BACK TO MY STATIONERY CUPBOARD YET AGAIN? HOW MUCH WOULD I SAVE IF I SIGNED UP FOR THE PAPER SOURCE MEMBERSHIP? I DON’T KNOW, BUT I DO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TWELVE SUMMERS BEFORE THIS ONE!
HEALTH UPDATE ON ME: I FELL RIDING MY BICYCLE AND BUMPED MY NOGGIN PRETTY BAD. DOC SAYS I MAY EXPERIENCE MEMORY LOSS. I’VE STARTED A JOURNAL SO I CAN ALWAYS REMIND MYSELF WHAT YOU DID THIRTEEN SUMMERS AGO!
I’VE MISPLACED MY JOURNAL, BUT I’M PRETTY SURE OF WHAT YOU DID LAST WINTER!
Something compels me to write in all caps and count on my fingers, but I don’t have the faintest idea why. What about this journal I found in my handwriting, but it’s all in Spanish? And how come everyone at Paper Source greets me on a first-name basis? I found your address printed on an unused envelope in my cupboard, so I am hoping you might be able to help jog my memory. Thanks!
I RELEARNED SPANISH AND READ MY DIARIO—YOU TRIED TO KILL ME SEVENTEEN SUMMERS AGO! HOW HAVE I NOT KILLED YOU YET?
Excuse my last message, it was just kind of thrilling to remember something, even if it was you hitting me with your car and trying to sleep me with the fishies. I realize that too much of my self-worth since then has been wrapped up in you knowing that I know what you did and when. So yeah, I still know what you did all those summers ago, but I think it’s time to finally move on.
DID YOU SERIOUSLY HIT ME WITH YOUR CAR A SECOND TIME? AND DURING JULY OF ALL MONTHS? EVEN IF IT WAS JUST A FENDER BENDER, YOU’VE TOTALLY JUST REBOOTED THIS. DESPITE MY INSURANCE AGREEING I’M THE ONE AT FAULT, I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!