Are you there God? It’s me, Moses. We’re fleeing Egypt today. I’m so scared, God. I’ve never lived anywhere but here. Well, except for when I ran to Midian after killing that guy. But the desert? Suppose I can’t stand the heat? What if all the Israelites hate me? Please help me, God. Don’t let the sand get in my peach fuzz. That would be so embarrassing. Also, it would be nice if you helped me develop some awesome abs so I look like a strong leader. Thank you.
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I have an important question, God. Do you think I should wear socks with my sandals? Aaron says no one wears socks with sandals, especially in the desert. Zipporah, who I’m going steady with, says I should definitely wear socks because I always get blisters when I don’t wear them, and she doesn’t want to hear me complain later. Help me figure this out, God.