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It’s that magical time of year again. Candles and poinsettias decorate every surface, small children are dressed as sheep, angels are telling people to “Fear not.” So, really, with Christmas just hours away, what do any of us have to fear?

Me, bitch.

I’m the high A flat at the end of “O Holy Night,” and I’m not optional. I’m printed right there in the second ending after the coda, soaring above the treble clef line. I will be sung.

Were you thinking about presents? The ham defrosting at home? The birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ in the most humble and abject of circumstances? Not anymore!

It says “Special Music: O Holy Night” right there in the bulletin, between the sermon and the offering, and now you’re not going to be able to think about anything else. You’ll be on the edge of your seat waiting for me, because you’ve heard way too many singers screech and waver and get me all wrong. What catastrophe awaits this time?

And just like that, I’ve hijacked the whole service.

Doctor Who Christmas is here with Big Finish offering free digital audio drama and more gifts/deals throughout the holiday season.

Doctor Who star Sophie Aldred's podcast, Ace Odyssey, is set to release a standalone audio drama on Christmas Eve, "Ghost in the Machine."

First, let’s get one thing clear, Santa: I ain’t a scab. The collective bargaining agreement clearly mandates the sleigh be led by a union-approved eight-reindeer team. Your little “won’t you guide my sleigh tonight” routine is a bald attempt to dilute the team’s negotiating power.

No matter how hurtful their teasing about my shiny red nose, I continue to stand in solidarity with my fellow reindeer.

It’s an open secret among the elves that you’re guilty of gross negligence regarding reindeer safety. True, this is an especially foggy Christmas Eve, but the sleigh ride takes place in the dead of night every single year. No one can see a thing. Dasher, Dancer, et. al. have begged you to equip the sleigh with proper lighting. Instead of headlights, all they get is gaslight: your snide remarks about antler length, your expectation that we should be satisfied with carrots and melted snow-water while you hoard the supply of cookies and milk, your use of mistletoe to sanction sexual misconduct.

Insights from Nautilus in 2025

The post The Most Beautiful Science of the Year appeared first on Nautilus.

Hundreds joined protest vigils in Sydney and Melbourne on 22 December to reject the effort to blame the Palestine movement for the horrific antisemitic terror attack at Bondi, and to oppose further restrictions on protest. Over 300 gathered in Sydney following NSW Premier Chris Minns’ plan to ban Palestine protests. Minns recalled NSW Parliament to […]

The post Protest vigils reject efforts to hijack Bondi grief to smear Palestine movement first appeared on Solidarity Online.

A particularly massive and chaotic baby planetary system captured in exquisite detail

The post This Big Space Sandwich Broke a Record appeared first on Nautilus.

New research points to a wide band of particles, invisible to telescopes

The post Saturn’s Rings Are Thicker Than We Thought appeared first on Nautilus.

Selfless acts at the scene were shared and praised by countless people online. One hero of the day tackled one of the gunmen and took his rifle from him.

Even when they have to pay more to avoid it

The post Americans Don’t Seem to Enjoy Negotiating appeared first on Nautilus.

Workers at Harry Hartog and Berkelouw Books have walked out on strike again from Saturday 20 December for five days until Christmas Eve, after another insulting wage offer from management.

The post Workers strike for pay and penalty rates at Harry Hartog and Berkelouw books first appeared on Solidarity Online.

Apex predators and people may get the highest doses

The post How All Those Forever Chemicals End Up on Your Plate appeared first on Nautilus.

Oregon fish and amphibians are surprisingly resilient

The post The Stream Animals Thriving After a Megafire appeared first on Nautilus.

7:00-8:30 A.M. Wake up whenever I want—no kids!

9 A.M. Open library, feeling refreshed and ready for the day.

10:30 A.M. Send another overdue notice to the impish man who checked out Tom Sawyer months ago and listed last known address as “Heaven.” Men like this are why I’m a single spinster.

12:30 P.M. Head to the eye doctor after lunch. Need new glasses as eyesight continues to deteriorate due to being said single spinster. Told by doctor it could improve if I cut down on reading and start dating adult men who shout “Hee-haw!”

1:30 P.M. Go straight to chiropractor from eye doctor to check on weird gait I picked up. Given similar advice: condition is degenerative and can only be corrected with holy matrimony.

2:15 P.M. Return to library. Intend to ignore medical advice but have strange urge to find man who will lasso me the moon.

2:30 P.M. Catalog some books. Read some books. Take quick midafternoon break and head to The Old Maid Store. Purchase new ugly hat and unflattering trench.

A tasting boot camp appeared to boost people’s taste buds

The post How to Taste More Intensely appeared first on Nautilus.

“I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas”
Forget the naughty-and-nice list; we need a third list for morons. What the hell are you going to do with a hippopotamus? You do not have the resources or space to effectively care for a wild animal in your residential home, especially one without an in-ground swimming pool. Not to mention, you clearly have zero concern for my safety. How the hell do you expect me to transport this thing to you in a sleigh without getting mauled? As if I don’t already have enough to worry about, trying to deliver presents in Stand Your Ground states. Absolutely not.

“My Grown-Up Christmas List”
Oh, no more war? Yeah, let me get right on that. Imagine this whole time I’ve had the ability to stop all war, but didn’t because I was waiting for Amy Grant to ask me to. Can we be serious for two fucking seconds? I run a workshop run by elves. If you were an actual grown-up, you’d be realistic. How about a weighted blanket? Or whiskey stones? Now that’s a grown-up Christmas list.

“White Christmas”
I don’t control the weather.

Science-inspired recipes to help you dine like our evolutionary cousins

The post Eat Like a Neanderthal appeared first on Nautilus.

Three recipes our Neanderthal cousins might have enjoyed

The post The Taste of Prehistory appeared first on Nautilus.

Forecasting period-average exchange rates requires using high-frequency data to efficiently construct forecasts and to test the accuracy of these forecasts against the traditional random walk hypothesis. To achieve this, we construct the first real-time dataset of daily effective exchange rates for all available countries, both nominal and real. The real-time vintages account for the typical delay in the publication of trade weights and inflation. Our findings indicate that forecasts constructed with daily data can significantly improve accuracy, up to 40 per cent compared to using monthly averages. We also find that unlike bilateral exchange rates, daily effective exchange rates exhibit properties distinct from random walk processes. When applying efficient estimation and testing methods made possible for the first time by the daily data, we find new evidence of real-time predictability for effective exchange rates in up to fifty per cent of countries.

The eyes adjust to help us focus as we chat

The post How to Tell if Someone’s Really Listening appeared first on Nautilus.

By pulling a “60 Minutes” segment, the new editor is torching the network’s credibility to protect the Ellison family’s interests.

The post Bari Weiss Is Doing Exactly What She Was Installed at CBS to Do appeared first on The Intercept.

A great star shines over a stable in Bethlehem. The Three Kings arrive and kneel before the Holy Family.

BALTHAZAR: We come bearing gifts for the newborn king, O Holy Ones.

MARY: Just put them on the table. We’re doing a white elephant thing this year.

MELCHIOR: White elephant?! Where?

MARY: No, we take turns opening gifts. You can keep the one you open, or switch with anyone else. What could possibly go wrong?

GASPAR: The King of Kings was meant to bring peace on Earth. This will surely cause hatred, greed, and jealousy.

MARY: Oh, it’ll be fun. I’ll start. Ooooh. Gold! Now THAT is a present. Thank you! You’re up, Melchior.

MELCHIOR: I want to go on the record saying I think this is a bad idea. But let’s see. Hmmm, myrrh. I’m going to be honest—I’m a wise man, and even I don’t know what myrrh is. So, I’ll switch it for the gold. Is that how this works?

The finale of Doctor Who spinoff The War Between The Land and The Sea ends with plot holes, an unconvincing love story, and sloppy writing.

Dear Valued Child,

This letter was slipped into your stocking to inform you that we recently identified a breach of our North Pole Magic Systems (NPMS) that may have compromised your personal data—namely, the thousands of hours of footage we have of when you are sleeping, as well as when you are awake.

How did the breach occur?

Shortly after Thanksgiving, we detected that a person within the NPMS organization (identity redacted for anonymity) clicked on a link entitled, “Winner!!! Claim FREE 6XL Red Coat With Fur Trim Now!” Regrettably, this turned out to be a phishing scheme that exploited a vulnerability in our system. We now understand that the innocent enchantment of believing hearts is not a reliable form of cybersecurity.

While we have yet to pinpoint the attacker’s identity, we have narrowed the suspects down to three previous perpetrators of crimes against the season: E. Scrooge, Mr. Grinch, and Big City Lady-Lawyer With Christmas Eve Deadline.