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Drupal CMS 2.0 launched January 28. We asked Pam Barone—CTO of Technocrat and Product Owner of Drupal CMS—to talk about what's new and what she's most excited for people to try.
This letter is to inform you that your career aptitude test evaluation is complete. Your recommended career: Bridge Troll.
Here at the Career Aptitude Institute, we evaluate thousands of tests each year from students all over the country. In the entire history of our organization, we have never seen results that so confidently aligned a student with a specific path. Typically, the results yield a mix of career options (civil engineer: 43 percent match; project manager: 28 percent match, etc.). Your results, however, were about as clear as they come. Bridge Troll: 99.98 percent match. This is especially unprecedented, as our computers typically have a 2 percent margin of error.
We understand these results may come as a surprise to you. It is highly likely you weren’t aware that a career like this even existed. While bridge trolling is undoubtedly a niche and undervalued role, rest assured, it is vital to the economic health of any developed nation.
What exactly does a Bridge Troll do, you ask? Job duties include, but aren’t limited to:
Wendy lit the stove to heat a pot of tomato soup. She turned to grab a wooden spoon and gasped. Two little girls in smocked dresses stood in the doorway.
“Come play with us,” one said.
“I’m making lunch,” Wendy whispered.
“We want you to play with us,” the other girl said. They stared at Wendy. Unblinking. Evil. “Come play Monopoly Junior.”
“Why can’t the two of you play together?” Wendy asked.
“We want to play with you,” they said in unison. “Can we have a snack?”
“I’m literally making lunch!” Wendy sobbed.
Wendy stood outside Room 217. She took the passkey from her pocket and slid it in the lock. Inside, the bathroom door was ajar.
It was in there. She could feel it. She crept in.
There stood a woman: bloated stomach, sagging breasts swaying like ancient cracked punching bags, glassy-eyed, hair dry and wild, pale, lips pulled back in an ugly grimace. Wendy screamed.
It was a mirror. Self-care had fallen to the wayside since Danny was born.

