Honey, I’m sorry I messed up our moment on the kiss cam.
I’m sorry I mouthed “That’s my sister!” and made a face like yuck while jerking my thumb at you, my loving wife of thirty-one years. I’m sorry I couldn’t look you in the eye and, instead, doubled-down and began talking loudly about our shared childhood, even though there is no audio on the kiss cam.
When you kicked my foot, and I realized you were mad, I’m sorry that I tried to make it up to you with a tongue-forward kiss, forgetting that the crowd believed you to be my sister. I’m sorry you had to hear 14,000 people make a collective noise of shock and disgust while your beautiful face was projected on the largest possible screen.
I’m sorry that this all happened after the screen was expanded in 2024.
I’m sorry that I stood up to address our section and let them know that we actually have a very loving and often erotic relationship. I understand now that I shouldn’t have offered to prove it.
I’m sorry I spent the entire fourth inning searching for another camera operator so that I could beg for a second chance.


