“The United States Army has officially raised its enlistment age limit to 42.” — New York Times
Arrival
Once you step off the bus, basic training has begun. Recruits carrying ergonomic rolling luggage will be immediately singled out for punishment. Next, your bags will be inspected for contraband. Any attempts to smuggle in heating pads, lumbar-support braces, or Lactaid pills will cause your drill sergeant to go ballistic. Full-fat dairy is a big part of the warrior ethos.
Red Phase
(Weeks 1-3)
The goal of the Red Phase is to begin your transformation from soft, middle-aged weakling into an unstoppable, silver-fox warrior. During these first three weeks, you’ll get a thorough introduction to the following:



