There are numerous reasons why my wife and I decided to have kids, like learning what it means to be parents, and providing an idyllic childhood that we lacked ourselves. But none mattered as much as procreating so we could blow off our single friends, particularly Jeff.
When you bring a child into this world, it lets you experience the joy of pushing out friendships from that same world. There is no better excuse to gradually recede from the guy who will never get his shit together. I have a child to care for, so no, Jeff, I can’t call you back, or come to the bar, or hear about the used-bookstore girl who dumped you. I must feed and clothe and bathe a helpless human life, and no longer have the time to do any of that for you.