As a child, my secret “cool kid” skill was the ability to eat the sourest candy—the kind that children only pop into their mouths when dared by the neighborhood bully—and shrug it off like it was absolutely nothing. The mean kids would encourage me to eat yet another Warhead or Tear Jerker, but I’d wolf it and stare back at their surprised faces without so much as an eye twitch. I not only tolerated the sourness well, I reveled in it. Warheads, sour gummies of any shape, entire lemons: If it had that puckering taste, I would demolish it.
No sour confection is safe when I am near. So when my friend Wyatt first introduced me to Trolli sour gummies years ago, I promptly asked him to hide the bag from me. Because for me, there was only eating Trolli sour gummies until I burned away all my taste buds, and my lips, teeth, and tongue turned toilet-cleaner blue.
Recently, I discovered the appropriately named “frozen novelties” aisle in my local Kroger. That’s where, as I paused to consider which flavor of vegan ice cream to take home, I found Trolli Gummi Pops staring back at me. They more than called to me; they screamed.