1. The Silent Convulsion
The gold standard. A violent bodily shudder contained entirely within the torso. No noise or spray. Just a brief, grimace-induced aneurysm. You are a person of discipline. You would do well in a gulag.
2. The Double
One to loosen the debris, one to eject it. It follows a logical arc. You pay your taxes. You rotate your tires. You are boring, but you are necessary.
3. The Triple
You are now demanding attention. The first “bless you” was a reflex; the second was a courtesy; the third is wearing on our patience. You are the equivalent of an unskippable YouTube ad.
4. The Pixie Squeak
You suppress the vocalization until it sounds like a mouse being stepped on by a stiletto heel. You think this makes you dainty. It actually makes you sound like you are performing a mating call for a very specific, perverted demographic of anime fans. Stop infantilizing your mucus membranes.