When you’re going to a concert or a sporting event, you’re worried about one thing: Will the stadium have an endless parking lot packed with thousands and thousands of cars, making entry and exit a living nightmare?
Rest assured, when the city gave us the green light to build a new stadium, we remembered to include the most important part of any modern arena: a gigantic asphalt hellscape stretching as far as the eye can see.
We know it’s not fun to trudge across a parking lot, but we’re confident that our new stadium will make up for it with its fantastic acoustics. You’ll need an incredible soundscape when you’re missing Lady Gaga’s entire set, trying to parkour your way through twelve acres of haphazardly parked sedans and abruptly abandoned tailgates. Don’t fret about missing the whole show; you’ll have hours to listen to her songs on the radio, sitting in standstill exit traffic, begging God to deliver you from this misery.
You’ll make memories in this state-sponsored La Brea Tar Pit long after the event is over. Your family will never forget Mom and Dad’s whisper-screaming match about where they parked the minivan (hint: They’re both wrong).