Andrew Hastie

The moderate wing of the Coalition (apparently they exist), have told anyone who’ll listen, that they may bend over and accept the party dropping net-zero but they won’t be happy. ”It’s time that our colleagues start listening to what we... Read More ›

Former Prime Minister, Tony Abbott, has taken some time out from rewriting Australian history to offer some advice to beleaguered opposition leader, Sussan Ley. His advice, to consider knighting Prince Andrew. ”Everyone loves a Royal, so why not bestow upon... Read More ›

Interim Opposition leader, Sussan Ley, has reached out to her rebellious colleague, Barnaby Joyce, to invite him over for a lovely beef wellington dinner. ”Teams squabble from time to time but what good teams do is they always settle their... Read More ›

Interim Opposition leader, Sussan Ley, has told colleagues that she plans to arrest her falling popularity by adding an extra S to her name. ”People were very interested to hear why I am Sussan, not Susan,” said the interim leader.... Read More ›

Sussan Ley’s shadow minister for home affairs, Barnaby Joyce, has responded to unrest in the Coalition by urging colleagues to consider an open marriage, or perhaps swinging. ”Monogamy is a thing of the past, we need to get out and... Read More ›

Leader of the National party (for now), David Littleproud, has told his Coalition partners, the Liberals, to forget about winning over the inner city elites and focus on winning over the 2,000 odd voters who live around the back O’... Read More ›

Rogue Coalition backbencher, Andrew ‘friend of Gina’ Hastie, has told his friends (Gina), that he quit Sussan Ley’s cabinet after the Liberal leader demanded that he add an extra S to his surname. ”Yeah, people think it was over the... Read More ›

Exiled Liberal, Jacinta Nampijinpa Price, has spoken up in defence of her colleague, Andrew Hastie, after he called unnamed members of the Coalition Muppets. With Senator Price saying that she would have called them worse. ”I feel that Andrew was... Read More ›

Aspiring Opposition leader, Andrew Hastie, has demanded that his Coalition colleagues commit to net-zero Sussan Leys or else he will take his bat and ball and go home. ”As a party we are done for if we don’t commit to... Read More ›

The Opposition’s shadow minister for Home Affairs, Andrew Hastie, has taken some time out of his day, which was definitely not spent on the phone talking numbers, to tell the press that he is ambitious for his leader Sussan Ley.... Read More ›