The billionaire revealed that the jurist was “much easier to catch” than he had anticipated.
Humor
In a statement, Rupert Murdoch criticized the Fox personality Bret Baier for “disseminating information that was recklessly and unforgivably true.”
“He is not believed to be carrying a weapon, but he could be carrying documents indicating the location of weapons,” a police spokesman said.
The head of security for the federal courthouse acknowledged that he and his team have “no leads whatsoever” as to who took the documents.
“It was the last thing I needed, especially after climbing over all of those boxes to get to my table,” an irritated patron said.
The former narco kingpin called his prosecution and incarceration “the greatest witch hunt in the history of witch hunts.”
“All the color drained from his face,” a campaign aide said. “Mike was even whiter than usual.”
“During his four years as Vice-President, Mike Pence brought flattery and obsequiousness to new heights,” the N.A.A. statement read.
“I could be wrong, but I vaguely remember that he was maybe this guy lying down on a beach?” a resident of Phoenix said.
“We’re not sure how, but chocolate pudding seems to have seeped into one of the keyboards,” an insider on the matter said. “It’s really gross.”