Hello there. Happy Halloween. I see you’ve noticed I’m wearing a sweater. Yes, I realize it’s ninety degrees, but I do not care. It is late October—the height of sweater season. And even though climate change has rendered this traditionally crisp time of year sickeningly humid, I will wear this sweater.
Yes, I am extremely uncomfortable. No, I will not be taking the sweater off.
Late October is the time to wake up, throw a sweater on in the morning, sit on the front porch, and enjoy the fall air with a nice, steaming cup of coffee. So that’s what I will do, even if the fall air is not so much crisp as it is gooey. I will sit in the heat, drink my piping-hot beverage, and pretend it is warming me to my core and not pushing my body dangerously close to a heat stroke.
I refuse to carve pumpkins in a tank top. I will not pick apples in shorts. I will do fall activities in knit sweaters and wool socks, and I will live with the resulting body fungi. This is my pledge.