DESIGNER HILARY: So tell me about your house.
HOMEOWNER AVERY: It’s in a beautiful neighborhood, not far from a Starbucks. It has a charming llama habitat, and I love the wood built-ins in the dining room.
HOMEOWNER TRENT: There’s only one bathroom though. It’s accessible by shimmying through an abandoned mine shaft and riding a rusted minecart to an open pit.
AVERY: Even though I love this house, I’d really like a faucet in the kitchen. Right now, we have to lower a bucket into a well, and the water is full of toxic metals.
TRENT: I want to sell it. I have double vision from mercury poisoning, and there are demons in the basement.
REALTOR DAVID: You absolutely should sell it. This ugly house makes me retch.
AVERY: I want to stay. Our toddler is possessed and crawling up walls, but the dining room is Jamaican mahogany.
