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Created
Sat, 10/05/2025 - 18:52
Not many years ago, comedians complained that politicians had become so boring that they were no longer worth satirizing. Today, they have the opposite problem: the satirists can’t keep up. The dull, grey political leaders of the 199os and early twenty-first century have been replaced in many nations by outrageous and absurd exhibitionists. Italy’s Silvio […]
Created
Sat, 10/05/2025 - 01:20

Deep-dish Eucharist wafers

Oprah added to Sistine Chapel ceiling

Sunday mass followed by improv set

Brian Urlacher’s hair growth declared a miracle

Sacramental wine replaced with Malört

“Our Father” to be pronounced with hilarious Chicago accent

College of Cardinals renamed “The Wieners Circle”

Baptismal font dyed green on St. Patrick’s Day

Raphael’s The School of Athens exchanged for the Chicago Bean

St. Peter’s Basilica renamed “Willis Basilica”

Fisherman’s Ring traded for 1985 Bears Super Bowl ring

Carl Sandburg resurrected to write inspirational poem about Vatican City

Divorce now allowed if spouse puts ketchup on hot dog

Chorus from Chicago’s “Saturday in the Park” added to Bach’s Mass in B Minor

Green Bay excommunicated

Cardinals now booed

Air Jordans instead of papal slippers

If pope digs out the popemobile, he can put the Chair of St. Peter there until he returns

Created
Fri, 09/05/2025 - 22:02

“Using nicotine is unequivocally very bad for you. It’s also, unfortunately, what gets me through my days.” —Emily Gould, from her essay “The Secret Shame of Smoking Moms

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Moms don’t want trinket dishes for Mother’s Day—they want cigarettes. A mom would rather have a bag full of cigarette butts than a fluted trinket dish. That said, moms do want ashtrays. So they will use that little dish to ash the cigarettes you will buy her.

Moms don’t want smocked dresses. Moms do NOT want to fold their pendulous breasts into elasticated smock-front dresses. Moms do NOT want thin pleats of fabric expanding and contracting across their pendulous breasts. Please do NOT buy these for the moms.