Dear Citizens,
In light of recent political parlance, we are announcing that we are no longer trying to keep our city “weird.” We realize that this statement contradicts the campaign we have spent the past two decades and thousands of taxpayers’ dollars advocating for our city’s weirdness via novelty bumper stickers that look great on the back of a Subaru. But we didn’t mean it like that.
We could never have foreseen that the word we chose to affirm our city’s quirky charm in the battle against corporate gentrification would be lobbied at a convicted felon and his spineless running mate. The early aughts were a much simpler time, when “weird” simply meant putting bacon on everything and not having sex with a sofa. We certainly didn’t have that one on our predictive bingo cards, and we were really into bingo, in a counterculture sort of way.