Look, I don’t need to tell you that times have been tough the past few years. Between the pandemic, mass protests, worldwide inflation, and Target locking deodorant in plexiglass cases, we’ve all had our fair share of struggles. Why, just last week, there were reports of drag queens milling around our local library. So when Commander Zorpf and his legion of bloodthirsty alien warriors returned vowing to fix things, I did the only thing I could: I sided with Zorpf. Again.
Yes, I know that last time the aliens were in charge, they reigned over humanity with violence and chaos, and I understand that Commander Zorpf is now a convicted felon in the Intergalactic Criminal Court. And yes, Commander Zorpf has repeatedly said that his first order of business after being put in charge of Earth again would be to declare himself “Supreme Leader of All the Universe for All Eternity.”
But have you seen the price of eggs?