MODERATOR: Welcome to our final presidential debate. Per the rules agreed upon by both candidates, President Trump is allowed to have Cyril, his African grey parrot, on his shoulder throughout the debate, but he may not receive advice or answers from him. Vice President Harris is allowed to have binoculars around her neck due to fall warbler migration. We will cut you off if you go beyond your allotted time or if Cyril starts shrieking. Let us begin…
THE ECONOMY
MODERATOR: Despite robust economic indicators, Americans are paying more for essential items at the grocery store and the pump. How will you address this?
TRUMP: I drove to Kearney, Nebraska, to see the sandhill crane migration, and gas was a hundred dollars a gallon, maybe more. Americans are having to choose between everyday necessities and the most spectacular bird migration in North America. It’s not right.