Modern medicine has failed us. To live full, healthy lives, we must go back to what nature intended. That means real food, vigorous exercise, and a byzantine combination of unregulated dietary supplements.
Prehistoric man led a simple life. No sunscreen, no pasteurized milk, no Food and Drug Administration. Nothing came between man and the natural world. Certainly not a suspiciously well-coordinated class-action lawsuit.
No matter what they might tell you, we can get back to the way things were. Unlocking your primal self is as easy as subscribing to my deluxe twenty-eight-step supplement routine. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s banned in France, the Netherlands, and the entire continent of South America. Borders, like junk food, are a modern construct.
We all know processed food is killing us and that science can’t be trusted. Studies are funded by corporations that care more about your dollar than your diet. But when I—allegedly—reinterpret a study to imply my supplements are safe, that’s considered “gross negligence” and “profoundly illegal.”
