Dear Adults of the World,
We, the babies of the world, have heard your complaints about us crying on airplanes, in restaurants, and while you were standing in line for churros at Disneyland. And here’s the thing we want you to keep in mind: We are literally going to take over the world.
We will be your doctors, your investment managers, and the people who can choose what name to write on your Starbucks cup. And if you spend a lot of time being jerks to us babies, we will not forget.
If you complain to the flight attendant about one of us crying because it’s interrupting your viewing of the latest Fast and Furious movie, we will remember. If you say our misshapen heads look too cone-like, we will make a note. If you complain on social media about a baby being allowed at a public park, we have a special list just for that.
How do we keep track, you might ask? Let’s just say it’s a complex system involving cell phones, smart speakers, ghosts, and cats.