The Opposition leader (as of writing), Peter Dutton, has demanded a national apology from all Australian rape victims to his Senators. ”I understand that rape can be traumatic, Jen Morrison was good enough to drop by the party room and... Read More ›
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Woolworths CEO Brad Banducci has admitted that the supermarket chain is now just plain fucking with the Australian public as he unveiled the store’s new range of commemorative turkish delight tins in time for Anzac Day. “Stuff everyone, I’ve only... Read More ›
Former Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s wife, Jen Morrison, has taken the day off today due to exhaustion from spending the night trying to explain to her husband the Lehrmann verdict. “Poor Jen, it took hours to explain this to ScoMo,”... Read More ›
Divisive Peter Dutton has called for the nation to come together and settle the argument once and for all by demanding that all Australian’s call them potato scallops. ”It’s time for someone to take charge and start dealing with the... Read More ›
Property developers in Brisbane have bandied together to purchase the property owned by the Heeler family as featured in the Sylvania waters style reality tv series, Bluey. With plans afoot to knock down the property and turn it into a... Read More ›
Former Australian Prime Minister (yep, really), Scott Morrison, has posted on social media of how he tricked his wife and children into believing that he’d been raptured after hiding from them yesterday morning. ”You should’ve seen the looks on their... Read More ›
Channel 7 has taken a break from allegedly scoring drugs and massages, to cast failed stand up comedian, Craig McLachlan, in their upcoming Bruce Lehrmann bio-pic. ”Casting for Bruce has been a hard process,” said a Channel 7 casting director.... Read More ›
Channel 7 has taken a break from surfing the dark net for sex and drugs to call their favourite son, Bruce Lehrmann, to tell him he won’t be on this year’s Bachelor program but instead will be on SAS Australia.... Read More ›
Beleaguered television network, Channel 7, has today announced that the beloved star of Sunrise the cash cow is to be replaced with the network’s newest star, the drug mule. ”The cash cow has been good for us, but, you know,... Read More ›
Australia’s defamation lawyers have today put out a press release naming Channel 7’s second favourite son, Bruce Lehrmann, their person of the decade. ”Up until recently we thought that Ben Roberts-Smith was the goose that laid the golden egg,” said... Read More ›