“This is gonna be dope,” he said.
Humor / Satire from The Borowitz Report
He also expressed “deep regret” for checking into the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas last weekend under the name Marjorie Taylor Greene.
“I’m not a paranoid person,” a QAnon spokesman said, “but it almost seems like a conspiracy.”
“Colleagues have declared that, if they are required to sit next to Matt, they will retire from politics instead,” one legislator said.
Future Speaker of the House George Santos of New York hailed the agreement as “the best idea I’ve seen in my thirty years in Congress.”
“Kevin McCarthy needs to look at himself in the mirror and ask if he wants to be an adult, or a Republican,” the congressman said.
“If I had learned to defraud banks, my post-Trump University career would have played out very differently,” Tracy Klugian, class of 2006, said.
The visibly seething mogul revealed that he phoned his son Lachlan late last night and “tore him a new one.”
The Ukrainian President warned that an escalation in the fighting in Washington could spread to neighboring regions such as Maryland and Virginia.
Additionally, users will demand that Musk set aside billions of dollars to compensate them for any psychiatric or other medical expenses incurred as a result of exposure to the platform.