“Mike Pence kept me from having a complete collection of documents, and that, quite frankly, is a disgrace,” the former President said.
Humor / Satire from The Borowitz Report
“When I watch him lie, he reminds me of me at his age,” Giuliani said, of Santos. “Like poetry in motion.”
“I thought if I required Twitter employees to come to work in the office, that would do the trick,” Musk said. “Instead, they quit en masse.”
The lawyers revealed that they did discover plans to build a Jacuzzi and a barrel sauna on the President’s deck.
“I’m deeply honored by the display of grudging acceptance,” the new House Speaker said. “It’s time for a victory lap.”
“The American people know that any documents are safe with me because I would never read even one word of them,” the former President said.
“O.K., guys, you’ve had your fun,” the new House Speaker said, his voice barely audible over the derisive hoots of his fellow-Republicans.
In addition to the check, Walker said that he would give McCarthy a free ride from the Capitol and a get-well card.
After it became clear that math had defeated him once more, the congressman could be heard muttering to himself, “Numbers . . . my old enemy.”
An apoplectic Lake said that Santos’s success and her failure “show that not all liars are treated equally in the United States of America.”