This week, Waterstones are offering 25% off all preorders of my new book, ‘How to Lay an Egg with a Horse Inside’, which publishes in April: https://www.waterstones.com/book/how-to-lay-an-egg-with-a-horse-inside/brian-bilston/9781035085729 Alternatively, signed copies are available to order through your local indie bookshop. Waterstones are also promoting 25% off for preorders of the paperback edition of my poetry collection…
writing
Message to the 14-Year-Old Me Believe in yourself.You can do anything you set your heart on –except A level physics, perhaps.Well, all the sciences really. DIY is a bit of a no-no, too.See also: driving; skiing; map reading;cooking pasta in the right quantities;relationships; origami. Don’t even think about runningyour own business. Or singing in tune.Best…
An Attempt to Write an Abecedarian Poem in Praise of the Dictionary An unfaltering ability to Bring clarity to the English language Constitutes your Defining quality. Ever since the day we First met and I Giggled at the rude words Hidden amongst your pages, I adored you, Jubilant in the Knowledge that things were Looking up. You offered me the Meaning of life, Not to mention the meaning of…
Out of Character having noticed one dayhis keyboard was dirty,he reached for the soap sprayand gave it a SQWERTY,before scrubbing away‘til each letter was cleanin ignorant bliss ofhaving wrec ed his machine – for the eys which once wor edno grad ally did notand the more that he ty edthe orse it all gotso that…
Monetisation The advert said MONETISE YOUR FOLLOWERS so he thought he would respond by painting them in the changing light, like waterlilies in a pond.
The Power of Poetry with things falling apartand anarchy let loose, it was only poetry, he found,which had any use, so he reached for his copy of The Complete Works of Yeats and bludgeoned the Presidentof the United States
Mnemonic Thirty days hath September,April, June and November.Unless a leap year is its fate,February hath twenty-eight.All the rest hath three days more,excepting January,which hath six thousand,one hundred and eighty-four.
My Year in Diets Veganuary Fibreuary Starch Cakepril MaycaroniCheese June&tonic Julicecream Augustickytoffeepudding Septembeer Octoblerone Doughvember Decemburger
New Year Office Chitchat How was your Christmas?you ask and I think ofthe bloodstained rug and the silent scrapingof the spade in the gardenat midnight and the wash washwashing of my hands and the dreams,those endless dreams which hauntthe night-time and smudgetheir thumbprints on the dayto come and I replySuper, thanks. Yours?
Prayer for Uninteresting Times Send me a slow news day,a quiet, subdued day,in which nothing much happens of note,save for the passing of time,the consumption of wine,and a re-run of Murder, She Wrote. Grant me a no news day,a spare-me-your-views day,in which nothing much happens at all,except a few hours togethersome regional weather,a day we can…