Now that the season of good cheer is behind us, I feel I can bring up a serious and painful issue that unfortunately became a reality for me this year during Christmas. I received whiskey stones.
Whiskey stones affect a huge percentage of men and, to a lesser extent, women every year, especially around the holidays. To those unfamiliar with the painful condition, these soapstone cubes manifest in relatives and friends who do not know what to give as gifts and want to preserve their perception of being the cool gift-giver and not at all sentimental.
Contrary to popular belief and what the salespeople at Brookstone and ad copy in Skymall will tell you, nobody in history has ever used a whiskey stone. Yes, there is some truth that they will not water down your whiskey, but just the same, putting a goddamn handful of cold rocks in your glass of whiskey is insane and completely unnecessary.