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Excuse me, car salesman? I have an insecurity about my body that I hope to solve by purchasing a flashy vehicle. I know I should love and accept myself the way I am, and I honestly do try to embrace body positivity. In my heart, I know that it’s what’s on the inside of a person that counts. But unfortunately for me, what’s on the inside is a super huge vagina.
That’s why I’ve come to this car dealership to purchase a vehicle so sleek, so compact, and so ridiculously out of my price range that people will look at me and say, “Damn, with a flashy car like that, I bet her cooter is as tight as Scrooge McDuck.”
I’m tired of driving around in my current car, a 1992 Ford Tempo that screams, “Her slot is looser than the ones at Circus Circus.”
I need a car that makes people assume my inside corset is cinched up like the waist of the main character in a Jane Austen novel.
I know, some people claim that size doesn’t matter. They say it’s not the size of the boat, but the motion in the ocean. Unfortunately for me, I’m not the boat in that metaphor.
It’s Monday night, and in typical Monday fashion, there is nothing exciting to do. I check my wallet: my driver’s license is expired, so bars are out of the question, bus pass, my dental insurance card—I suppose a teeth whitening wouldn’t be the worst use of my time.
Then I see my Kroger card. I have a normal-sized one for my wallet and a miniature version that hangs off my keychain because I’m that serious about the great discounts it offers on exciting products like generic-brand pasta (cut with sawdust!), generic-brand coffee pods (now with half the coffee grounds!), and any products that the location is eager to get rid of (still food!). Tonight’s club is Kroger, no cover fee required.
There’s a display by the entrance: baskets stuffed with limited-edition packages of a new product by the think tank at General Mills: Spicy CinnaFUEGO Toast Crunch. They’re on sale for Kroger cardholders: three dollars are marked off of their five-dollar price tag. I would be an idiot to pass up such an amazing deal.
THE Coffs Coast, named in November 2022 as having one of the world’s Top 100 Green Destination stories, is in the running for the tourist organisation’s People’s Choice Award in the Culture and Tradition category. Voting is open now and ends on January 24 at 9am Australian Eastern Standard Time. Advertise with News of The...
The post Vote Coffs for People Choice in Green Destination Awards appeared first on News Of The Area.
Maybe they are just going to use their capital to accept the Fed’s 5% subsidies and lay everyone else off?
Banks are telling you to buy stocks, saying the bottom is in & cancelling their recession calls for Europe.
— Financelot (@FinanceLancelot) January 11, 2023
Meanwhile, all of them are closing investments, departments & laying off staff.
Seems unusual, no? 🤔 https://t.co/99AUWXOkMP
Dimon now hoping for 6%:
PLEASED, impassioned and perhaps most of all proud of the Coffs Harbour community’s willingness to give in support of others, Doris (Cowan) and David Wake who organised the Community Christmas Luncheon are saying a huge, heartfelt thank you to everyone who made it all happen. Numerous people across Coffs Harbour donated food, money, their time,...
The post Doris and David thank Coffs Coast community for Christmas Luncheon support appeared first on News Of The Area.
TUTORING maths to high-school students has provided retired maths head teacher, Drew Bogema, with a way to raise funds for a range of charities that are close to his heart. Raising some $13,000 during 2021 and 2022 from after-school-hours maths tutoring, through the students’ fees, Drew donates 100 percent of the payments to a pool...
The post Retired maths teacher tutors for charity appeared first on News Of The Area.
Oh no! …. “Inflation!”…. Fed better go up the 0.5% now!
Egg prices rise more than 64% in some stateshttps://t.co/natM1HoTr7
— FOX Business (@FoxBusiness) January 12, 2023
THE heart of Coffs’ community swelled to support the 2022 Community Christmas Luncheon held on December 25, and hosted for the second year running by Doris and David Rake. Donations, volunteers and a who’s who of local connections delivered a wonderful, warm and welcoming festive get-together with lunch, entertainment and gifts, all for free, for...
The post Coffs Community Christmas Luncheon a heartwarming success appeared first on News Of The Area.
AUNTY Yvette Pacey, Chair of the Garlambirla Guuyu-Girrwaa (Coffs Harbour Aboriginal Elders group), provided Minister for Regional Transport and Roads the Hon Sam Farraway with an accompanied walk around the Mackays Road (Grandpa’s Scrub) site on Monday 9 January. Minister Farraway was in Coffs Harbour to announce amendments to three interchanges on the Coffs Bypass...
The post Minister for Regional Transport visits Mackays Road rainforest on bypass appeared first on News Of The Area.
“EXTREMELY disappointing.” That is the response from Dave Wood, Advocates for Grandpa’s Scrub spokesperson, to an official statement from Transport for New South Wales (TfNSW) noting its reasons for not taking necessary steps to avoid and protect a 0.5 ha remnant of original Lowland Rainforest between Shephards Lane and Gatelys Road, known by some as...
The post Lowland Rainforest remnant still set for destruction from Coffs Harbour bypass plans appeared first on News Of The Area.
- by Aeon Video
- by Xenia Hanusiak
Professor River Song gets caught in the emotional complexities of one family’s legacy in a brand-new full-cast audio box set, ‘Friend of the Family‘, released today from Big Finish Productions. River Song (Alex Kingston) travels between eras – ranging from 1936 to 2014 – while trapped in a house full of mysteries and heartbreak in […]
The post BIG FINISH: River Song returns in ‘Friend of the Family’ appeared first on Blogtor Who.
Happy 2023, Drupal community! We have many exciting things in the works for the new year. We’re kicking off 2023 by developing an Open Web Manifesto, and we need your input. We are currently working to build our 3-year strategic plan, starting with this manifesto – and the Drupal community’s input is vital.
The Drupal Association believes that Drupal is a digital public good and a leader in Open Web principles. An open web is:
We want your thoughts on what the “open web” means and how you think Drupal should promote these ideas in the future.