I used to be like everyone else, hunched over a tiny screen, watching seventeen-year-olds give each other psychiatric diagnoses on TikTok. Then I misplaced my smartphone after the doorbell rang while I was playing Wordle on the toilet. Now I’m a mindfulness expert.
It all started forty-five minutes ago. Normally I would drink my morning coffee while hate-scrolling through Facebook to see which multilevel marketing scheme my high school nemesis is into now. Today, I chose to savor my beverage in the present moment. It was revelatory. The Trader Joe’s oat milk is way grittier than the Whole Foods brand. Also, two scoops of collagen powder is too much collagen powder. You can really taste the hoof.