Women are just like bears. Each spring, we emerge from a winter-induced torpor state and begin the difficult process of relearning how to act like a (human) lady.
Here’s a step-by-step guide for reentering polite society.
1. Move Slowly
It’s important not to rush when burrowing out from your den of blankets, oversized sweaters, and half-drunk mugs of tea. After all, you haven’t left this comforting soft pile in months, except to urinate and periodically scream out recaps of Survivor: Heroes vs Villains. Try not to trip over the comically large stack of books you swore you’d read this winter, but didn’t.
2. Stretch
Shake off lethargy with a rousing spinal twist. Listen closely as your back pops and cracks like a cartoon skeleton. Can you hear it? That’s your bones singing, “Walking on Sunshine” by Katrina and the Waves. Spring is here!
