Dear Sir or Madam:
It has come to the attention of our firm that your preschool is in violation of dozens of federal registration laws surrounding the intellectual property owned and operated by the estate of Frère Jacques, also known as Brother John.
Our findings show that classrooms within your organization are willfully using the “Frère Jacques” melody, ad nauseam, without approval or designation, to generate teaching mnemonics on subjects ranging from:
- Hand-washing techniques
- Alphabet memorization
- Line leader responsibilities
- Shoe-tying and knapsack maintenance
- Color and shape coordination
The reports also include allegations that our intellectual property has been “tortured beyond recognition” in the form of “gross and unnatural” adaptations that burrow into the mind like “an Alabama deer tick.”
As such, we are asking you to cease and desist all bastardizations of the “Frère Jacques” nursery rhyme, including but not limited to the following variants: