It’s come to my attention that you’ve plowed through two seasons of LOST in five days. You think it’s “a pretty cool show,” and you’re probably going to finish it later this month. Well, that’s not going to happen, mister. You have just watched forty-nine episodes of endless mysteries where every “answer” leads only to more questions, and the fact that you aren’t furiously pissed off and cursing J. J. Abrams proves you aren’t mature enough for this seminal life experience. This isn’t just “some piece of content to binge.” This is LOST.
I am instituting a new policy: You can watch only one episode each week. And in between episodes, you will obsess and theorize and stew and vent and wonder why the hell you even bother watching this show before inevitably returning next week. Just like we did when I was your age.