To our valued customers,
For decades, we have provided you with top-quality care. Or, when we don’t want to provide you with care, we provide top-quality explanations as to why you aren’t entitled to it.
Customers often express frustration with our company, as these denials take months to process. Today, we are proud to announce a new chapter in our company’s history: an AI health insurance tool that can deny you care instantly. Using the latest in artificial intelligence and machine learning, our path-breaking tool can diagnose your illness, come up with a treatment plan, and then tell you that you don’t deserve the treatment.
Leveraging patented technology, our new tool enables simultaneous communication with doctors and patients. While the software argues with the physician about the merits of emergency heart surgery, the patient can read encouraging messages like “Better luck next time,” “Give us more money,” and “LMAO, can you believe you thought we would cover this?”



