As our guest, please feel free to help yourself to anything. I didn’t run to the store before your arrival, because as you can see, my pantry is overflowing with foodstuffs.
Oh, crackers? An excellent appetizer choice. Those go really well with this jar of local strawberry jam I picked up at—well, that’s interesting. It’s all just been scraped right out of there with a spork, hasn’t it?
I know it was a spork because the top’s broken off inside the empty jar, which was placed right back on the shelf, as if its contents were still available for consumption.
The crackers are gone too? Perplexing. Yes, I see the box in your hand. The way it was torn open across the back, as if shredded by a feral raccoon, was hard to notice until you picked it up. From the shelf. Where it had been perched, delicately, like something that still contained crackers.
No matter. There’s plenty more to choose from. How about cereal? I just picked up this whole shelf of—
Wow, every single box?
Every. Single. Goddamn. Box?